In a corner of Carlisle
Stands a cracker factory
Carr's Crackers by far the
Tastiest crackers you've ever seen

And in the corner of that corner
Stands a woman as strong as a barrel
She was the fastest cracker packer
And she went by the name of Carol

She was Carol
(Carol)

The Cracker Packer
(The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers
(She packs a cracking pack of crackers)

She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers
(She's Carol, cracker pac... Ah, fuck me.)

Carol was a diligent cracker packer
It was known from north to south
She also loved to eat the crackers
Cause she had a very moist mouth
Moist mouth, moist mouth, moist mouth
She worked so hard and
She cared for the crackers
And her efforts didn't go unseen
So Mr. Carr's made her employee of the year
And crowned her the Cracker Packing Queen

The Cracker Packing Queen
The Mother-Licking Cracker
Packing Queen

She was Carol
(Carol)

The Cracker Packer
(The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers
(She packs a cracking pack of crackers)

She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers
(Yes, she does.)

That night our hero Carol came home
And proclaimed to her husband Craig
She'd been crowned the Queen Cracker Packer
At Carr's but he wasn't full of praise
He said Carol, you're a loser
And you care too much about crackers
And she said well, Craig, what job to do you?
Well I work in finance
And do you like it?
Well no, I don't, I'm thoroughly
Miserable every single day

Well I love crackers
So fuck you

Cass was a woman of aspiration
Ambition she didn't lack
Her pace got quicker
And her packing got slicker
With no Craig to hold her back

One day she jumped up
On a corner station with
A box of cheese melts in hand
And declared I'm gonna be the fastest
Cracker Packer in this whole bloody land

And off she went, and off she went
To pack her crackers
She just loved crackers
She packed mounds of mein gon in amazing Malaysia
Crunched crispbreads in Krakatau
Krakatau, Krakatau, Krakatau
There was matzo for miles in unique New York
And graham, after graham, after graham, after graham
There were animal crackers in every zoo
She packed seaweed snacks in Syracuse
There were towers of taralli in Toronto back alleys
Yeah, Carol was not a loser

All hail Carol the Queen of the Crackers
And fuck you, Craig

She was Carol
(Carol)

The Cracker Packer
(The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers
(She packs a cracking pack of crackers)

She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers
(She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers)

Now it's your turn, repeat after us

She was Carol
(Carol)

The Cracker Packer
(The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers
(She packs a cracking pack of crackers)

She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers
(She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers)

You are shit

Back in Carlisle, Cass encountered
Some competition at the Cracker Factory
Christine from Jacob's Cracker's has come
To overthrow the Queen (Ooh, Drama!)

Christine said Hello, Carol
Carol said yes, that's what I'm called
I've come to claim my Cracker Packing title
Once and for all

Carol said it's not a competition
And Christine was like Shut Up, Carol
I'm the fastest cracker packer in the
Country so ignore me at your peril

Christine's face was mean and smug
Not a cute cracker packer
But a mother-cracking thug
And a bit of a C word

Christine was quite the speedy cracker packer
And so was Carol, she weren't a cracker slacker
So they decided to go right at it and find who
Could pack a pack of crackers in the fastest time
And 3, 2, 1 the race begun

And they packed cracker, after cracker
After cracker, after cracker
They were steaming from their ears
And they were sweating from their knackers
Their knuckles were covered in callouses and corns
They were packing packs of crackers
Til the mother-crack of dawn

But Carol over did it and
Before the time was done
She had packed so many crackers
That her body blew up

It took them a week to wipe
Off all the skin from the machines
And they sobbed as they peeled
Carol's hands off the table where
She'd packed like a Cracker Queen
And they thought as they picked up
Her nose and her chin
We can't just throw our Carol in the bin

So they cremated her in ways satisfactory
And kept a jar of her ashes in the factory
And for every cracker made, they'd sprinkle
Some of her so every time you eat a
Carr's cracker you remember

Carol
(Carol)

The Cracker Packer
(The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers
(She packs a cracking pack of crackers)

She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers
(She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers)

Faster now

She was Carol
(Carol)

The Cracker Packer
(The Cracker Packer)

She packs a cracking pack of crackers
(She packs a cracking pack of crackers)

She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers
(She's Carol, Cracker Packer
Packs a Cracking Pack of Crackers)

She's Carol the Cracker
Carol Cracker Packer Packs
A Cracking Pack of Crackers
She's the Mother Licking Queen
Of Packing Cracking Packs of Crackers