(Verse)
[GUS]
You're a siren if there ever was one
And there was one
You're a Lorelei
I'm a dope
You're a baddie if I ever saw one
And I've seen one
Darling, you're a lie
I've no hope
I'm at the end of my rope

(Chorus 1)
[GUS]
You are so fair
Like an Oriental vision
But you won't make that decision
You're not quite fair
I'd pay your fare
To Niagara Falls and back, too
But you never will react to
This love affair
You are the Crêpes Suzette
I should get
On my bill of fare
But if you love me not
Flower pot
See if I care!
See how you'll fare
If you keep on playing Rover
When I come to think it over
You're only fair
(Chorus 2)
[DOLORES]
You are so fair
But you know you're no Apollo
And to say you're hard to swallow
Is only fair
I'd pay your fare
All around the world and back, too
For I'd like to give the sack to
This love affair
You are the Camembert
I can't bear
On my bill of fare
So if you love me not
Flower pot
See if I care!
See how you'll fare
If you keep on playing Rover
When I come to think it over
You're only fair

(dance break)

(Chorus 3)
[GUS]
Your hair ain't fair
And you got no style in dressing
I'm afraid you ain't possessing
No savoir-faire
I'd pay your fare
To the Tropic of New Guinea
For I'd like to yell, "C'est finis!"
To this affair
You are the freak event
In the tent
Of the county fair
So if you love me not
Polka-dot
See if I care!
See how you'll fare
If you keep on playing Rover
When I come to think it over
You're only fair