[LUCE]
I was I
You were you
And now we're only we
We are one
Who were two
Or we had better be

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
I now you man and wife and magically you are the boss of me

[LUCE]
Though marriage made you mine for life
It also made you think much less of me

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
It only shows how little you know of it

[LUCE]
I know a pair who made quite a go of it

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE spoken]
Who?

[LUCE]
He was a man, who was very fond of women
She was a girl, who was very fond of men
She had a taste, for both corpulent and slim men
He wouldn't look, at a lady under ten
She went abroad, just to find a man to marry
[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
He went abroad, just to find himself a wife

[LUCE]
She didn't want, any Tom or Dick or Harry

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
He sought a mate, who'd be true to him for life

[LUCE]
She fell in love, with the angle of his eyebrow

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
He fell in love, with the dimple on her knee

[BOTH]
And when they wed
He went around with other women
And she went with other men
And that is he and she!

[LUCE]
He always said, I would like to have a daughter

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
She always said, I would like to have a son
She took to kids, like a duckling takes to water
[LUCE]
He always thought, having babies would be fun
He told her this, on the very day he met her

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
She said the wish, is the father to sport

[LUCE]
He bought a house, in the nursery he set her

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
She helped the stork make its annual report

[LUCE]
He won renown as the father of a squadron

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
She won awards for her prolificacy

[BOTH]
And just because
And just because they loved their children
They got married after all
And that is he and she!

[LUCE spoken]
You dance divinely
[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
She was so pure, as the snow before it's driven

[LUCE]
He never smoked, and he never touched a drop

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
When she said boo, she would ask to be forgiven

[LUCE]
When he would swim, he would always wear a top

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
She wore no rouge, though she had a bad complexion

[LUCE]
He always prayed, every time he went to bed

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
She was so kind, that she hated vivisection

[LUCE]
He loved his ma and he swore he'd never wed

[DROMIO OF SYRACUSE]
She was so chaste that it made her very nervous

[LUCE]
He loved to go to the vicarage for tea

[BOTH]
And when they died
And when they died and went to Heaven
All the angels went to Hell
And that is he and she!