[PERCY]
Peacocks!

[PRINCE OF WALES]
Sink me!

[PERCY]
Think ye, sir,
How those feathered boys love to flaunt their tails!
Stallions!

[PRINCE]
Zounds, sir!

[PERCY]
Hounds, sir! Stags!
Of the goosie and the gander, sir,
Which gender is the grander, sir?
To render total candor, sir,
The splendor is the male's!

[PRINCE, spoken]
What? A man's duty is to wield the sword!
Defend the cave, what?

[PERCY, spoken]
Gad, no, Highness! A man's duty is to uphold the banner of beauty! And you, as prince of our land, must lead the way!
[PERCY]
Be an example to your sex

[MEN]
Give your boot a dapper strap,

[MAN]
And it's smarter if your garter has some snap

[PERCY]
Cravats should be flounced about our necks

[MAN]
Let the royal coattails flap!

[MAN]
Be bewitching with some stitching on your cap!

[MEN]
Now drape you cape and puff your cuff!
Embroider those lapels!

[PERCY]
Be the king of the beasts in pastels!

La, but someone has to strike a pose
And bear the weight of well-tailored clothes,
And that is why the Lord created men!
[PRINCE, spoken]
You're a nincompoop, Blakeney!

[PERCY, spoken]
Thank you, sir!

[PRINCE, spoken]
Always said you were! Always said, "Leave the fancy dress to the women!" Let me be a Roman, don a tunic! Bare the legs, eh what?

[PERCY, spoken]
Sink me, the man's lost his senses! Bare legs!

[PERCY]
Strut, sir!

[PRINCE]
What, sir?

[PERCY]
Roosters do
Give a cock his comb and the hens will pale
Bucks, bulls!
More, sir!

[MEN and PERCY]
Boars, sir!
[PERCY]
Rams!
Of the nanny-goat and billy, sir,
Whose beard is fully woolly, sir?
It's bully for the billy
For he's willy-nilly male!

[PRINCE, spoken]
Well, the male animal is dashing, of course. Robin redbreast! Moose with antlers!

[PERCY]
Sir! Be a lion-hearted prig!
Fill those pantaloons with light!

[PRINCE]
I could dangle down a spangle out of sight

[PERCY]
Oh, yes! Be bold!

[MAN]
When it's cold, slap on that wig

[MEN]
Draw your breeches in quite tight

[PERCY]
Even more so and your torso will ignite!

[MAN]
Now smock your frock!

[MAN]
Perfume your plume!

[PRINCE]
I'll let my waistcoat swing!

[MEN]
And the jungle will bow to its king!
La, but someone has to strike a pose
And bear the weight of well-tailored clothes!

[PRINCE]
And that is why the Lord created men!

[PRINCE, spoken]
Now, it's strange. There's nothing about it in the book of Genesis.

[PERCY, spoken]
Genesis? Ah, but think, sir!

[PERCY]
Adam was a gentleman in Eden
Though his body was admired,
You will grant the adding of a fig leaf was inspired!

[PRINCE]
Oh, a fig leaf - just the job!

[PERCY]
If you're out to make a splash, cheri,
do know your haberdashery!

[MEN]
Buttons, buckles, ruffles, and lace

[PERCY]
Represent the human race!

[MEN]
La, but someone has to strike a pose
And bear the weight of well-tailored clothes!
Each species needs a sex that's fated
To be highly decorated!
That is why the Lord created men!