[Mambo No. 1: Miel]
(Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo No.) 1
One, two, three, four, five
Everybody in the car, so come on, let's ride
To the liquor store around the corner
The boys say they want some gin and juice but I really don't wanna
Beer bust like I had last week
I must stay deep 'cause talk is cheap
I like Angela, Pamela, Sandra, and Rita
And Jessica, and Jennifer, and also Katrina
And Cindy, and Mindy, and Casey, and Maisie
And Lacey, and Tracy, and there's another Tracy
Annie, and Fannie, and Sammy, my granny
Barbara, and also my trumpet

[Mambo No. 2: Demi]
(Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo No.) 2
One, two, three, four, five
Everybody in the club, now it's time to try
Everybody stand up, 'cause here's your chance
I'm gonna teach you all to do the mambo dance
Stick your left leg out, put your right leg back
Swing your arms up and down like a jumping jack
Ball both of your hands up into a fist
Spin your head like the girl from The Exorcist
Do a backflip, and then land on your hands
Wear your shoes like gloves, wear your shirt like pants
The very last step of the mambo dance
You gotta stand up and blow on your trumpet
[Mambo No. 3: Miel]
(Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo No.) 3
One, two, three, four, five
Do you ever think about how you're gonna die?
So the liquor store around the corner
The boys say to stop breaking down, but I really don't wanna
I can't stop crying in my sleep
I must stay deep 'cause talk is cheap
I like Plato, Thoreau, Marx, and Whitman
I recently discovered existentialism!
So what can we do? I really thank you, my Lord
Only the dead have seen the end of war
Every day awake is a day closer to death
I'm just worm food, the trumpet!

[Mambo No. 4: Demi]
(Ladies and gentlemen, this is Mambo No.) 4
One, two, also three
That's the magic number if you're asking me
'Cause it's how many fingers that you'll need
To play the T-R-U-M-P-E-T
Yeah, the trumpet, the best horn around
It turns me on when I hear that sound
I like Betty, Julia, Alice, and Gretchen
And those are the names of trumpets in my collection
I dress them up in a lady's wig
If you're thinking "did he fuck them?" I certainly did
And hey, you'll never guess who I went to prom with
That's right, motherfuckers, a trumpet!
A little bit of trumpet in the song
A whole lot of trumpet, throw more on
A little less percussion in this part
Three times the trumpet, less guitar
Hearing other instruments makes me sick
If you don't like the trumpet, suck my dick
A little bit of trumpet gives it class
Replace all the instruments with that brass! Hah!