[Chorus: Jonathan Young, Colm R. McGuinness & Caleb Hyles]
We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you
We don't do anything

[Verse 1: Jonathan Young]
Well, I've never been to Greenland and I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul
And I've never been to Moscow and I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

[Chorus: Jonathan Young, Colm R. McGuinness & Caleb Hyles]
We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and liе around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything

[Verse 2: Caleb Hyles]
And wеll I never hoist the mainstay and I never swab the poop deck
And I never veer to starboard 'cause I never sail at all
And I've never walked the gangplank and I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

[Chorus: Jonathan Young, Colm R. McGuinness & Caleb Hyles]
'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything
[Verse 3: Colm R. McGuinness]
Well, I've never plucked a rooster and I'm not too good at ping pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatoes up against the wall
And I've never kissed a chipmunk and I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Boston in the fall

[Interlude: Jonathan Young, Caleb Hyles]
Huh? What are you talking about? What's a rooster or mashed potatoes have to do with being a pirate?
Hey, that's right
We're supposed to sing about pirate-y things
Oh

[Verse 4: Jonathan Young]
And I've never licked a spark plug and I've never sniffed a stinkbug
And I've never painted daisies on a big red rubber ball
And I've never bathed in yogurt and I don't look good in leggings
And we've never been to Boston in the fall

[Chorus: Jonathan Young, Colm R. McGuinness & Caleb Hyles]
'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you
We don't do anything

[Outro: Jonathan Young, Colm R. McGuinness & Caleb Hyles]
'Cause we're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything