[Intro: A. J. Holmes]
And now for something completely different
A gala!

[Borschtit (A. J. Holmes)]
What a wonderful night
What a fabulous sight
I hope you're enjoying your evening
There's glitz, there's glamour
There's oodles of swagger
Flip-diggity!
I'm barely breathing!

There's wining, there's dining
There's nations combining
I tell ya, my heart is beating
The lights are so shiny
And I can't stop smiling
Just pinch me!
I must be dreaming

And the talk of the town is the one with the crown
The wise, thе powerful Prince Feurgin
And our nubilе country, oh, it's so lovely!
Come along, let’s open the curtain…
Hahahaha!

[Ensemble]
Don't we look marvellous?
Isn't it gay?
Let's give the prince a big hip hip hooray
His Royal Highness deserves our respect

[Man #1 (Pomme Koch), Man #2 (Daniel Belnavis)]
He's greedy, grotesque
And totally inept

[Ensemble, Woman #1 (Mary Kate Wiles), Man #3 (Brian Rosenthal)]
Hahahaha!
Master of men, lover of ladies
With the emotional depth of a baby
The heir to the throne, the leader of Prussians
Just keep him away from the nuclear buttons

[Ensemble, Man #4 (Joey Richter)]
Just keep on smiling and put on a show
If you are lying, they don't have to know
Whatever you say, don't say what you think
'Cos we love the Prince…
Wink, wink
[Borschtit (Holmes), Cynthia (Lauren Lopez)]
I just love your gown, won't you please turn around
And tell us about what you're thinking?
I'm just happy to be here
And happy to see there are so many glasses clinking
Yes, quite the celebration
Yes, quite the new nation
And the Prince, how do you find him?
He's qualified
Yes?
He's dignified
Yes?
I’m truly, truly behind him
I'm sure you won't need to remind him
I also fucking despise him
Ah

[Ensemble, Woman #1 (Wiles), Woman #2 (Tessa Netting), Man #3 (Rosenthal)]
Oh, what a party!
It's such a treat!
Like pulling my toenails right off of my feet
Our fabulous prince, all the good he will do
He's dumb as a donkey!
And smells like one too!

[Ensemble, Man #1 (Koch), Man #2 (Belnavis), Man #4 (Richter)]
How noble, how regal!
The star of the show
Did you hear what he did to the Pope?
I know!
His Royal Highness, he’s wise indeed!
I heard he once made a human centipede
[Borschtit (Holmes), Ensemble]
Hahahaha!
Hohohoho!
Heeheehee!
Hohohoha!
Jibber jabber
Jibber jabber
And we’re back!

[Borschtit (Holmes), Poopin (Rosenthal)]
So bold, so daring, this Russian dignitary
His name is Vladimir Poopin
Can't wait for Prussians to get to know Russians
Look forward to our countries' union
Well, don't you look smashing!
This look? Dashing!
And what are your thoughts on Prince Feurgin?
He's powerful
Yes?
He's wonderful
Yes?
A truly spectacular person
Haha, of that I am certain
My heart fills with longing to hurt him, yar!

[Ensemble, Poopin (Rosenthal), Man #1 (Koch)]
Don't we look marvellous?
Isn't it fabulous?
Oh, how glorious
I can't even handle this!
Oh, what a gathering!
He's so dazzling!
Totally ravishing
The stupidity is staggering

[Ensemble, Borschtit (Holmes)]
Hahahaha!
Just keep on smiling and put on a show
If you are lying, they don't have to know
Whatever you say, don't say what you think
Whoever you hate, don't make a stink
'Cos we love the Prince!

[Ensemble, Borschtit (Holmes), Cynthia (Lopez)]
How fancy, how wild!
We love the Prince
What a spoilt manchild
Here comes the Prince…

[Ensemble, Borschtit (Holmes)]
Hahahaha!
What a wonderful night, what a fabulous sight
The talk of the town, the one with the crown
The Prince
We love the Prince
We love the Prince

[Borschtit (Holmes), Ensemble]
Hahahaha!
Hohohoho!
Heeheehee!
Hohohoha!
Jibber jabber
Jibber jabber
To the Prince!
Wink, wink