It’s a mere misunderstanding when they say I hate my family
When those liars claim that I don’t write nor read
I could have graduated Harvard, could have got myself some job
But I had just knew it was the pirate's life for me
So I memorized some pirate songs, and fashioned out of Styrofoam a fancy friggin’ ocean-faring craft
And I set out from my island home, prospective and a pile of bones, and promised that I never would be back
Oh, I promised that I never would be back

And my first day on the waves, I mеt a yacht transporting slaves
And I knew the vеssel’s captain was a crook
I appeared upon the bow, and told them I’m the captain now
And if you squint, I’ll shoot you dead with my good looks

I was big man on the yacht, I found a hold was filled with scotch
And by the evening, boy, a party had begun
I set free all the slaves, we put the captain in a cage, and drank the scotch as we pretended it was rum
We danced the deck until the dawn, ch-cheering our asylum on
We slept beneath the whispering ocean breeze
And while we dreamed our pirates' tales, the ocean blew some mighty gale
And sank my ship and all had drowned but me

And I washed upon a darkened shore in front of a department store
I tried my trade in women’s shoes
The boss said I’d arrived at last, so forget about your pirate past, this is how it feels to be of use

So I set up for the circus act, I dragged my ass to work and back, and figured that my wounds in time would close
Late at night my limbs were numb, and so I had drink 'til dawn and I began to plan one final voyage
I began to plan one final voyage
So I learned again my pirate songs, and fashioned out of Styrofoam another fancy faring-ocean craft
I sail beneath the sky alone, a specter of an Irish brogue, you’d like to be of use but I must pass
You’d like to be of use but I must pass
Yes, you’d like to be of use but I must pass