El-P
Career Finders
[Intro: Samples]
"What you gonna say?" - Sample from [?]
"Hello" - Sample from [?]
"What you gonna say?" - Sample from [?]
"Hey” - Sample from [?]
"What you gonna say?" - Sample from [?]
"Hey" - Sample from [?]
"What you gonna say?" - Sample from [?]
"Hey" - Sample from [?]

[Interlude 1: Greg and T]
Greg: Hello. Career Finders. Greg speaking. May I help you?
T: Oh, I'm T-Nut. I'm T-Dog, T-Nut Penitentiary
Greg: Okay
T: T-Dog Nut, Killer T
Greg: What are your special areas of interest?

[Verse 1: Mr. Lif, (Akrobatik), and {Mighty Dollar}]
(Yo, I pump crack). You fill cracks? (Nah, I pump 'em)
Whoa, I think you got too personal or something
So, you're living an alternative lifestyle
(Nah, n***a, I sell crack in little vials)
Hmm, I think I got the perfect job for you:
Go home and raise your kids and stay the fuck out the booth
(Ayyo, fuck you). Next! Why you looking all vexed?
What's your skill? (Everyday, I blast n***as with TECs)
Can you use an AK? (Hell yeah!). Is that a fact?
Ak, pull up the plane and get this kid to Iraq
State your name. {Mighty Dollar}. (*Laughing*). {What's so funny?}
Nothing. {Son, I'm known to get money}
Yeah, it says right here you rhyme excessively about
Cash as if everyday's a fucking spending spree
Maybe consider accounting or banking
Or maybe it's time to stop doing the glam thing
It's played out. Oh my God, he hasn't noticed yet
Leave the mic alone and pass the rhyming to the vets. Next
Fuck that. Matter fact, close the office
These lost, black zombie n***as making me nauseous
[Hook: Akrobatik] (x2)
(Career Finders) Leave that life of rap behind ya
We got something to suit you finer. We're
(Career Finders) Put them pipe dreams on the shelf
And let us put you on the right path to wealth

[Verse 2: Shock G as Humpty Hump]
(Hello. Career Finders). Yeah, I'm looking for a position
Special talent: I'm really good at dissing
I’ll thug it out too on a peniten’ mission
Kindness and discipline is all that I'm missing
(But I...) I want to get paid. I got these flows
The record that I made, it’ll help me get laid
Okay, let's see Mr. Disser
Mr. 9 Millimeter, punk-fixer
You're interested in being richer
Without no work. I'll put you down as a wisher
Wait, did I mention I can roll weed in a swisher?
Hmm, I'll put you down as a wisher (Dreams)
So, this is what we got
You’re good at pointing out who's a bitch and who's not
You ain't scared, down to shoot up the spot
Have you thought about the military or a cop?
You’d make a good bank robber. You’d like to be
The star-shit, man? Well, what about a hitman?
Got to give it to you: when it comes to hard
You the hardest. We're just not sure if you’re an artist
[Hook: Akrobatik] (x2)
(Career Finders) Leave that life of rap behind ya
We got something to suit you finer. We're
(Career Finders) Put them pipe dreams on the shelf
And let us put you on the right path to wealth

[Verse 3: Akrobatik]
Uh, yo
Instead of making records, having everybody nervous
Maybe we could get you something with the Secret Service
Many applicants frown when they first heard this
But what's being an artist got to do with doing murders?
You want to bust guns? Here's some fly shit
A war's going on—be a front line private
Yeah, you could be a hero in Iraq
Or be the cat that stop the next plane from being hijacked
(Damn) But you want to party hard
Instead of being a rapper, maybe you could be a bodyguard
Or maybe work a detail at Mardi Gras
A chaperone at the naughty bar where the hotties are
You a typical applicant. With everything
You say you do, it make me wonder why you want to rap and shit
I'ma put your résumé back in the cabinet
Find another path—Career Finders ain't having it

[Hook: Akrobatik] (x2)
(Career Finders) Leave that life of rap behind ya
We got something to suit you finer. We're
(Career Finders) Put them pipe dreams on the shelf
And let us put you on the right path to wealth
[Outro: Greg and T]
Greg: What are your special areas of interest?
T: N***a I pimp them hoes. What?
Greg: Okay
T: N***a. Shh... I'm a real n***a, though. You know why? ‘Cause n***as don't know. I'm real n***a, n***a, n***a. (*Laughing*). Shiat