[PAUL]
Good evening, Doctor O'Hara,
I'm glad you could make it.
I know it's frustrating getting to midtown
At this time of day.
The uptown N R is a pain.
Not to mention the rain.
But thank you for coming, sir.
I've got something to say.

I'm allergic to cats.
That's part of the reason
I asked to have dinner with you.
I'm allergic to cats.
I know it's hardly a life-threat'ning
Medical hullabaloo.

See, when I was born
They expected me later.
So I spent two months
in an incubator.
Ever since that
I can't be near a cat.

I can tell by your smirk,
you think this is silly
And borderline phobic, perhaps.
But this innocent quirk
Can cause such a violent reaction
My lungs could collapse.
So, bear with me sir.
This is nothing sordid.
Your patience, I promise,
Will be rewarded.
I'm really not bats.
Just allergic to cats.

But Julie, Julie loves cats.
As you know, they're her passion and joy.
She knits them little sweaters
And crochets them hats.
For their birthdays, she sews them
Their own special toy.

There's Meowser,
Miss Mew,
Cookiepuss,
Alexander.
Her couch is a playground
Of pee and dander.

So I cough and I wheeze,
Pop a fistful of Claritin D's,
Try to hide before anyone sees.
I'm allergic to cats.
For over a year,
I've hidden from Julie
Each anaphylactic display.
'Cause she's such a dear,
If she knew cats make me suffer
She'd give them away.

But she is my world,
I live for her. Truly.
Julie loves cats,
And I love Julie.
So she tickles their toes,
And I smile as my throat starts to close,
But I vow that she'll never suppose.
I'm allergic to cats.

Well, Doctor O'Hara,
I fear that I've buried the headline.
The point of this story is murky
I have to concede.
I hope that I've shown you tonight.

I love your daughter with all of my might!
So, humbly I stand,
Asking you for her marital hand.
Wedded life will be blissful and grand.
With Julie,
And Meowser,
Miss Mew,
Cookiepuss,
Alexander,
The dander,
The pee.

And me!

Achoo!