Sitting there in that dark saloon
Playing cards to a rag time tune
A big old fellow started eyeing me mean
& on his hip he had an iron machine
Well I had one too
But I didn't wanna use it
Till he reached for his
& I had to beat him to it
Shot him thru his heart
Like an arrow from cupid
& I can't be to blame
Cuz santa made me do it

Later that night on a midnight right
Passed by a ranchers house with a colt outside
Then I shared a look
Between my horse & I
& in that moment
Him & I conspired
So I hopped that fence
& I coo'd that colt
Gave him a carrot to chomp on
While I untied him from the post
Lead him down the trail
He became my new pet
& it's not my fault
Cuz santa made me do it
The next town I hit I do decree
There was a fancy bank full of currency
So I stepped inside with my trusty six shooter
& just to prove I was a big bad bank robber
I shot one in the air, told em "Hit the floor
Give me everything you've got, & then some more"
I tossed my sack to the old bank teller
He said: "Ain't you that bandit, santa's little helper?"
I said "Yes I am"
& there's no way that I wasn't
& it's not me robbing you
It's really santa who does it
& he said
"Ain't you the one with a bag full of loot
& who burst in here with a bullet to shoot?"
I said "I've got five more, don't make me prove it, & if anything should happen, santa made me do it."