[HUSBAND, spoken]:
Wanna watch a movie?

[MARK, spoken]:
No, that's okay

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
We could watch Noises Off, I know you love that one

[MARK, spoken]:
Hehe, do I look bored?

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
Nope. Cute, just like always

[MARK, spoken]:
Love you

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
I love you

[MARK]:
Kill him
With the vase
Smash on the head, or pow, right in the face
...
Wow, the thought never occurred once before
But now the thought feels like I've opened a door
...
No, I've never imagined my husband in peril —
Except for that one time outside Crate and Barrel—
Or when he detested Cate Blanchett in Carol
...
Wake up! Forget this grim notion you've got
What a morbid idea. Must have smoked too much pot
And God knows I haven't been sleeping a lot
Ha!
[HUSBAND, spoken]:
What's funny?

[MARK, spoken:]
What? Oh. Nothing! Just looking at Twitter

Kill him
With the plug
Sure, you still love him, but boy can he bug
...No!
Have to stand up and go grab a La Croix
And don't draft how to drown someone you still enjoy
...
It's a terrible time, and we're all going mental
It's getting to me, and it's not coincidental
— But seventeen Valium would surely be gentle
...
My God! He's perfect, and don't forget hot
It's been weeks since he irked me and months since we fought
I'm crazy! I'm cuckoo! With me I cannot
Dummy
What a ludicrous —
Laughable —
Int'resting —
Blender!
No
This whole thing's insane
A grown-ass man afraid of this —
It's inane
Nothing will happen
Not to you, not to him
Everyone's perfectly safe

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
Mark?

[MARK, spoken]:
Yeah?!

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
...Ya okay...?

[MARK, spoken]:
For suuuuure, Just — makin' a drink. Heh. A drinky-drinky-drink... drink

Do it
Spike his drink
Poison is quickest, and cleanest, I think-

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
You're being weird
[MARK, spoken]:
Ya know, I'm feelin' kinda weird, I should probably take a sleeping pill and go to bed early. How many sleeping pills do you think we have?

Unh-unggh! Life's too short too live this distraught
Have a drink or three — oh! Eat those Cheetos he bought
And please, just stop planning this murderous plot!
What a thought!
What a thought!
It's a thought

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
You look really scared

[MARK, spoken]:
No, no, it's just everything that's happening in the world. You know? And it's like I get these things in my head and I can't get them out, no matter how hard I try!

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
I get that. I've had this stupid tune stuck in my head all day!

[MARK, spoken]:
Ha! Exactly like that!

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
How 'bout let's play a game to get your mind off of it? Like - Twenty Questions

[MARK, spoken]:
Okay, I'll start. Do you have any enemies?

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
I think I have never loved you more

[MARK]:
Burglar
Set the scene
Put things just so — oh, you're one fucked up queen
Weird, though, I've never considered the act
It's appeared like an incontrovertible fact
Don't you worry about ev'ry minor detail
'Cuz thinking too hard is how amateurs fail
And girl, they don't have your hair color in jail
Ha ha! The vase just might be my best shot
And who cares anymore if he's dead or I'm caught?
The world has turned into a bloody black blot —
And sooner or later we're all gonna rot!
What a thought!

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
I think I'll put on the movie

[MARK]:
What a thought!

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
Wouldn't you like that?

[MARK]:
What a thought!

[HUSBAND, spoken]:
Here I go...

[MARK]:
I don't want to!!!