[CLAUDE]
Now there's a solemn, old tradition
For admission - or audition - to
Transition from a Come From Away
[COMPANY]
To be a Newfoundlander
[CLAUDE]
The only other way at any rate
Is pass away and pray to fate and
Wait to reincarnate
[COMPANY]
As a Newfoundlander
Hey, hey - come on inside
Nothing ventured, nothing tried
[ACTOR 5]
Only a couple of people cried
[COMPANY]
You'll be a Newfoundlander
Hey, hey - sit down right here
You'll feel better in a year
[ACTOR 7]
Try to ignore your doubts and fears
[COMPANY]
And you'll be a Newfoundlander
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Now we needs a couple of volunteers - who wants to become a Newfoundlander?
[BOB, spoken]
Right here!
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Good man! Who else?
[KEVIN T, spoken]
I have no idea why I put up my hand. And Kevin's like
[KEVIN J, spoken]
Oh my God, are you serious? Oh my God, you are serious!
[KEVIN T, spoken]
Yes - I'm serious. Don't do it if you don't want to
[KEVIN J, spoken]
I won't
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Where you from, buddy?
[KEVIN T, spoken]
Los Angeles
[CLAUDE, spoken]
LA! Who else?
[DIANE spoken]
Us!
We want to be Newfoundlanders!
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Alright. Where are you folks from?
[DIANE, spoken]
Texas and -
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Texas! (to Nick) What part of Texas are you from, buddy?
[NICK, spoken]
No, I'm from -
[DIANE, spoken]
No, I'm from Texas. He's from England
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Wait. Now how does that work?
[NICK, spoken]
How does what work?
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Well, how does your marriage work with you being in England and her in Texas?
[DIANE & NICK, spoken]
No - we're not married
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Oh, I'm sorry - I just assumed you were married... Well, would you like to be?
[NICK, spoken]
Ah -
[DIANE, spoken]
Well, why not?!
[NICK, spoken]
Diane had had two beers by then, so it was probably the alcohol talking
[DIANE, spoken]
I've never had more than one beer at a time before, so it was probably the alcohol talking
[NICK, spoken]
I went and got her two more beers
[CLAUDE]
Now the first part is the easiest
We'll soon get to the queasiest
I'll need you to repeat this mess
[COMPANY]
When you become a Newfoundlander
[Claude]
'Cause we speaks a different language, son
We adds some esses and some rum
You'll have to try a good cod tongue
[COMPANY]
When you become a Newfoundlander
Hey, hey - just do your best
Nothing scary, nothing yet
[ACTOR 3]
You'll have to change the way you're dressed
[COMPANY]
And you'll be a Newfoundlander
Hey, hey - just sing along
Nothing ventured just prolonged
[CLAUDE]
There's thirty verses in this song
[COMPANY]
Then you'll be a Newfoundlander
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen - this is screech! Back in World War II, an officer was stationed here and was offered some of this stuff
All the locals were tossing it back with nar' a quiver, so he does too
And lets out an ear piercing...
(all of the NEWFOUNDLANDERS howl)
Everybody comes to see what's happening and says:
[COMPANY except SCREECHEES, spoken]
"What was that ungodly screech?!"
[CLAUDE, spoken]
And now it's your turn. Are you ready?
[NICK spoken]
Um... I'm not sure that -
[DIANE spoken]
Wait - did you just say -
[BOB, spoken]
No. Nope. Not really ready
[KEVIN T, spoken]
Do we have to drink this?
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Good! All together now. One!
[COMPANY except SCREECHEES, spoken]
One!
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Two!
[COMPANY except SCREECHEES, spoken]
Two!
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Three!
[COMPANY except SCREECHEES, spoken]
Three!
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Down the hatch!
[KEVIN T spoken]
Screech is basically bad Jamaican rum
[NICK, spoken]
Screech is horrific
[DIANE, spoken]
Screech is delishush!
[BOB, spoken]
And then they brought the Cod
[KEVIN T, spoken]
The Cod
[NICK, spoken]
The Cod
[DIANE, spoken]
The Cod
[CLAUDE]
Now with every transformation
Comes a tiny bit of risk
You've got to walk the plank
And there'll be blood
Or there'll be bliss
And it's the same to be a
Newfoundlander
Every person's wish
So don't be dumb
Just take the plunge
Go on - kiss the fish!
[NEWFOUNDLANDERS]
(continued underneath)
I'm an islander - I am an islander
I'm an islander - I am an islander...
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen - this is a genuine freshly caught Newfoundland cod - and if you want to become an honorary Newfoundlander, you'll have to give her a smooch! One!
[KEVIN J, spoken]
If you kiss that I am never kissing you again!
[KEVIN T, spoken]
I'll risk it!
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Two!
[NICK, spoken]
I'm not kissing a fish!
[DIANE, spoken]
Come on, I will if you will!
[NICK, spoken]
Oh my god. Fine
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Three!
[DIANE, spoken]
I can't do it!
[NICK, spoken]
What? I just did!
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Now you've got to kiss the cod - it's a vital part of the ceremony
[DIANE, spoken]
I can't do it!
[CLAUDE, spoken]
Alright - look. I'll make you a deal. Either you kiss this fish - or else you kiss this Englishman that you're not married to
[COMPANY]
Hey, hey - come on tonight
Take a risk and take a ride
Jump right in with both feet tied
And you'll be a Newfoundlander
Hey, hey - come on once more
Nothing ventured, nothing sore
After it's over, out the door
And you'll be a Newfoundlander
[CLAUDE]
After it's over you'll remember
[COMPANY]
That you're a Newfoundlander
