[Intro: Announcer (Nice Peter)]
Epic Rap Battles of History!
Mitt Romney vs Barack Obama!
Begin!

[Mitt Romney]
I'm not gonna let this battle be dictated by facts
I'm rich, I got fat stacks and super PACs
We all know what went down in that 2008 election
You're a decent politician with a winning complexion
You're all Barack and no bite, been no change and we're all still hoping
That you'll shut your mouth, but like Guantanamo Bay they're both open
You're from the windy city where you're looking pretty with your blowhards
But come January, you'll be left evicted and with no job
Raw rhymes stronger than my jaw line when I spit a phrase
Knocking you harder than front doors in my old mission days
You see this silver spoon? This dug Mass out of debt
Took you four years to drop unemployment down below 8%
You feel that Barry? You're old news, everyone's having doubts
And your rhymes are as weak as this economy that you've done nothing about
Call me a vicious businessman, 'cause Romney's stealing this race
I'll go Bain Capital on your donkey ass, restructure your face

[Barack Obama]
They say your father was a great man, you must be what's left
Need to stop hatin' on gays, let 'em teach you how to dress
You got the momma jeans, and a Mr. Fantastic face
So rich and white, it's like I'm running 'gainst a cheesecake!
Republicans need a puppet and you fit
Got their hands so far up your rear, call you Mitt
I'm the head of state, you're like a head of cabbage
'Bout to get smacked by my stimulus package (Haha!)
You're a bad man with no chance, you can't even touch me
I got four more years (Two terms!) in the White House, just trust me
I hoped you saved your best rhymes for the second half
'Cause right now, I'm 47% through kicking your ass
[Mitt Romney]
Whatever, that 40% thing got you real mad
What, did it remind you how many decent parents you had?

[Barack Obama]
Uh, look, I respect all religions, uh, but it might get crazy
If the White House has a first, second, and a third lady!

[Mitt Romney]
Ha, don't bring up wives, man, what are you doing?
You got hitched to the female version of Patrick Ewing!

[Barack Obama]
Uh, let me be clear, uh, don't get it twisted
We'll see how pretty your face is after my fist has kissed it

[Mitt Romney]
Ahhuuhhhaa
You're a stuttering communist

[Barack Obama]
Oh yeah? Well you're stupid

[Mitt Romney]
You're stupid
[Barack Obama]
Nuh-uh

[Mitt Romney]
Errggg

[Barack Obama]
Errggg

[Eagle]
Cawwww!

[Abraham Lincoln]
By the power invested in me by this giant bald bird
The President shall not be the shiniest of two turds!
You! I wanna like you! Don't talk about change, just do it!
I fought for what was on my brain until a bullet went through it!
And you, moneybags, you're a pancake, you're flip-floppity
It's a country, not a company you can play like Monopoly!
I'll properly reach across the aisle and bitch-smack you as equals!
Of the people (smack), by the people (smack), for the people!
Eagle!

[Outro]
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC!
(Cawwww!)
RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!