[JULIA]
I got a theory
When you are from Lake Erie
You're better than the average Joe

[DONNY]
Though buried in snow

[JULIA]
It's time to let the whole world know

[DONNY]
I got a theory

[JULIA]
It takes a place this dreary
To give a guy the right amount

[DONNY]
Of drive to surmount

[JULIA]
It's time to tell the world we count

[DONNY, spoken]
Are we onto something here?
[JULIA, spoken]
Yeah, keep writing. With this one, we might get more gigs than we need.

[ENSEMBLE]
I got a theory
When you are from Lake Erie
You're better than the average Joe
Though buried in snow
It's time to let the whole world know[SHRINER, spoken]
The Al Koran Shriners welcome the Donny Nova Band![STUDIO SINGERS]
Bah doot dah
Bah doot dah
I'm gonna hear
My band at eight[DONNY]
I got a theory
It takes a place this dreary
To give a guy the right amount
Of drive to surmount
It's time to tell the world we count[ENSEMBLE MEN]
When John D,
That old Rockefeller
First set foot
On Cleveland soil
No one thought he was
Anything stellar[ENSEMBLE WOMEN]
Uh huh


On Cleveland soil

Uh uh[ENSEMBLE]
Then he struck it
With standardized oil
It gives us our aroma!

[OLIVER, spoken]
Ya getting ready for the big trip next month?

[DONNY, spoken]
Oh, NBC's sending us on the Cleveland Limited. Pull-man Cars.

[OLIVER, spoken]
Jeez, how 'bout that. That must be costing them a fortune.

[DONNY, spoken]
It's the least they could do.

[OLIVER, spoken]
That is good to hear. Say, I had a band cancel on me, so can I book you guys again for tomorrow night? I know it's last minute, and you'd be saving my butt, so how 'bout I toss in an extra fifty?

[DONNY, spoken]
Guys?
[OLIVER, spoken]
You know, I'm really in a bind - make it an extra seventy-five.

[DONNY, spoken]
I suppose we could–

[OLIVER, spoken]
You drive a hard bargain, kid. Hundred extra, that's the best I can do. Help a guy out.

[DONNY, spoken]
Sure thing. We can do that for you, Oliver. Tomorrow night.

[OLIVER, spoken]
Swell. Break a leg tonight.

[DONNY, spoken]
Johnny, what's that bring the total to?

[JOHNNY, spoken]
Nine-hundred and thirty-six dollars and seventy-eight cents.

[WAYNE, spoken]
How do you do that?

[JOHNNY, spoken]
I have no idea.[JOHNNY]
When Bob Hope was
Only called "Lester"
A busker
In old Luna Park
Who'da guessed that
That poor little jester[WAYNE, NICK, & DAVY]
Ooo doot doot
doot doot
He started out as
A busker[JOHNNY, WAYNE, DAVY, & NICK]
In the movies would make such a mark?

[JEAN ANN, spoken]
Cleveland's crème de la crème taking New York by storm in just three weeks!

[OLIVER, spoken]
Jo? It's Oliver. Hey listen, I need your help with something. It's about the Donny Nova Band.

[JO, spoken]
Al? It's Jo. Oliver called. Now don't give me any of your crap, you're gonna help me out with the Donny Nova Band.

[ENSEMBLE]
I got a theory
That people from Lake Erie
Have plenty more to brag about
There's talent no doubt
It's time to let the secret out

[DAVY, spoken]
You just sang a very good set, my dear. Hey, buddy? Whiskey.

[WAITER, spoken]
Coming right up, Mr. Zlatic.

[JULIA, spoken]
Ever thought of giving up the bottle?

[DAVY, spoken]
Nope.

[JULIA, spoken]
Come on, just for a week. Hm, what do you say?

[DAVY, spoken]
Julia, I know there isn't enough whiskey in the world to wash away what I saw in those camps, I owe it to myself to try. "And let that suffice, most forcible Feeble."[AL, spoken]
Cleveland's finest!
Back at the Pavilion.


[JO, spoken]
From the Blue Wisp
to the big time!

[JEAN ANN, spoken]
Back by popular demand,
the Donny Nova Band!

[OLIVER, spoken]
Tonight at Oliver's,
you know who![ENSEMBLE]
Doo doot doo doo
Doo doot doo doo

Ooo wah doo wah
I wanna hear my
Favorite song

Bah bah bah
I wanna hear my band

At eight[THE BAND & CLUB PATRONS]
I got a theory
We get a little weary
Of people dumping on this town
It's true that the

[DONNY, spoken]
Winters are endless

[JULIA, spoken]
The lake is polluted

[DONNY, spoken]
The ball team is losing

[JULIA, spoken]
The sewers exploded

[DONNY, spoken]
The mob is returning

[THE BAND, spoken]
The river's on fire again!

[THE BAND & CLUB PATRONS]
But nothing's gonna keep us down

[JULIA]
They got their fancy accents
On the east side of Manhattan

[ENSEMBLE MEN]
But we ain't met a vowel we couldn't
Find a way to flatten

[DONNY]
The Vanderbilts may summer
At the spa in Saratoga

[ENSEMBLE WOMEN]
But nothing beats the waters
Of the flaming Cuyahoga

[COMPANY]
I got a theory
If God above can hear
He is swingin' to these tunes of ours
Break out the cigars
'Cause Cleveland's got some
Brand new stars

[JOHNNY, spoken]
We love you, Cleveland!

[COMPANY]
Yeah!