[Verse 1]
Five feet high and three feet wide
No one's ever eaten the whole thing and survived
It comes with a bucket of ranch on the side
It's the Ultimate Sandwich (Dear God!)
The Ultimate Sandwich (Oh shit!)
Its taste could drive a lesser man insane
Served on wheat bread made from thirty thousand separate grains
It was made by a demon in his kitchen of pain
It's the Ultimate Sandwich (Sweet Christ!)
The Ultimate Sandwich (Fuck yeah!)

[Chorus]
(Whoa-ho) It's a shit-ton of chicken on a dickload of ham
An explosion of clams
(Whoa-ho) Top that fucker with yams
Now just add panther, bear meat, and duck
And you've got a sandwich that I'd like to fuck
I mean eat, what?

[Verse 2]
The ultimate sandwich uses weapons-grade ham
To awaken your passions, make you feel like a man
It's as dense as an anvil and as big as a raft
Its sun-dried tomatoes grip the sides of my shaft
Topped with man's hottest peppers on the world's coldest cuts
It's time to get sexy, no ifs, ands, or buts
As I thrust deep inside it, bacon grazes my nuts
It's the Ultimate Sandwich (Oh tits!)
The Ultimate Sandwich (Hot balls!)
[Chorus]
(Whoa-ho) It's a legend of lunches, the lord of buffets
I could slam it for days
(Whoa ho) It sets my patties ablaze
It's time to stuff my stuff in its stuffing
Ninja Brian, for practice, I nailed your blueberry muffins

[Outro]
Oh, but not the one you're eating right now, Brian
All right, I fucked that muffin too
You gonna judge me? You gonna be a Judgey Jason about this?
Ah! You have cleaved my entire body in half