[Verse 1]
Today was my birthday party
It was so moving, I cried
I had a super happy good time
Until most of my best friends died (Oh God!)
So I ran into the bedroom
Where there was still some folks alive
We had a pajama jammy pillow fight
But tragically, no one survived

[Chorus]
Hey there, Ninja Brian
We're awesome together
You know that I'm not lying
We're best friends forever!
But if you wouldn't mind, there's
One thing I'd like to request
It'd sure be great if you could please stop
Murdering all of my other friends

[Interlude 1]
That's a dick move, bro
Dick move

[Verse 2]
This morning at the dog park
I met a cool new bunch of guys
Now we're hanging out together
And everything- God damn it, Ninja Brian
A few deaths I could look past
At three hundred, I was concerned
Fifty thousand murders later
I'm starting to think you will never learn
[Chorus]
Hey there, Ninja Brian
Just always remember
Through the good times and the homicides
We're best friends forever!
I think that I can solve our problem
Meet your new friend, Ninja Jim
I know you guys will get along great
Except for the fact you just murdered him

[Interlude 2]
Really, Ninja Brian?
During the chorus?
Heh, I can't stay mad at you

[Bridge]
Our rock jams
We'll reign supreme
As long as you don't stab me
We'll be a legendary team

[Outro]
Ninja Brian, what are you doing?
What is that? Is that a knife?
Oh, it's a knife; I can tell by the way it's stabbing me
Good talk, buddy