[Intro]
Oh my god, Stacey!
Did I tell you about my date with Steve last week?
You went out with Steve? He's so cute!
I know! He took me out to this little restaurant-

[Verse 1]
Everybody, shut up! I have an erection
It only happens 87 times a day
Just stop what you're doing and witness penis perfection
This is more important than what you have to say
Your story can wait, 'cause I am very erect
Now let's all take a minute to watch my dick and reflect
Your spirit's at peace, no need to call the police
Please hold your applause

[Interlude 1]
In conclusion, your honor, in light of this new evidence
I would propose that the murderer was not my client, but
Mrs. Donovan! (*Gasp*)
I will have order in this court!

[Verse 2]
Everybody, shut up! I have an erection
If Justice is blind, she's gonna miss this display
It's hard as steel but still evaded metal detection
This is more important than what you have to say
Judge, don't give me that robe, 'cause then nobody could see
This pillar of awesome that's sticking straight out of me
Who could argue a case with so much dick in your face?
Please hold your applause
[Bridge]
Do you ever take a moment and look up at the stars?
And think about your life and just how stupid you are
If it makes you feel better, I'm a fucking rock star
With an amazing penis (Penis)
But enough about you, let's focus more on my crotch
It's as tangy as whiskey and hits you harder than scotch
You might not get what I'm sayin', so just sit back and watch
Look! (*Gasp*) It's still my penis!

[Interlude 2]
Ladies and gentlemen, as president of the United States
I must sometimes make grave decisions
I come to you today to tell you that the United States has decided to declare war on-

[Verse 3]
Shut up! Mr. President, I have an erection
Here's a tricky dick that cannot be impeached
Check out my nutsack, it could swing an election
This is more important than your boring-ass speech
For one nation, indivisible under God
We all stand together and peep my glorious rod
Hey, those guys look fun, oh wait, are they holding guns?
Please hold your a-
*Gunshots*