[Intro]
Sometimes I wish
I was even more awesome
Than I already am
What would my life be like
If I turned that shit up to eleven
Out of a possible five?

[Verse 1]
Riding straight out of your imagination
Using my magic to fight against crime
Destroying evil with powers most awesome
Protecting the weak almost all of the time
But not on Sundays, Game of Thrones is on
Now is the time for a man of conviction
The world needs a hero and I am that guy

[Chorus]
I am the Unicorn Wizard
Riding for justice on a comet of stars
With the help of my sidekick Princess Handjob
I'm more awesome and smarter than I already are

I am the Unicorn Wizard
My spells are amazing and my reflexes quick
My horn is my strength and my strength is my power
And my power is my horn and my horn is my dick
[Verse 2]
My life is a party, the guests are supermodels
Operation: I Rule is a total success
Each day I invent a new form of karate
That changes the way that Japan views the West
Now's that's progress! Douitashimashite!

Then we retire to the Chamber of Passion
And bathe in pool of strawberries and cream
The strawberries rub and exfoliate gently
The cream travels places you can't even dream

[Chorus]
I am the Unicorn Wizard
Just like Danny Sexbang, I'm handsome and strong
With the help of my hellhounds Tinkles and Gary
We punish the wicked then break into song

I am the Unicorn Wizard
A superhero for the entire human race
My wand casts a spell that will unlock the door
And the wand is my junk and the door is your face