[Verse 1: Penn Holderness]
That's great, it starts with a cell phone
It's a Phil video
Says to London off we go
Say goodbye to the kids, do you know how sad it is?
Fly to London
When we're there, race to Trafalgar Square
Weird guy in a phone booth telling us we're racing to Buckingham Palace
Yay! That's about a mile away
Went into a gallery, a puzzle there for Kim and me
We got done and we said whee
We went off to meet the Queen
Ran into a museum with a giant whale skeleton
We finished fourth
Second leg I had to find a clue, there it is
Look at that, oh wait, I am overthinking it
Talked myself into the fact that it was not a clue
Even though it was a clue and then four teams passed me
I was pretty bummed out, Kim was really nice to me
Finished fifth place but we still had to race
On a train for 8 hours, here's our room
"There's a shower?"
We rode all night

[Chorus: Penn Holderness]
It's the end of the show and we know it
Did we win a million bucks or did we blow it?
Here's leg three in Scotland where they show us wearing kilts most of the time
[Verse 2: Penn Holderness]
Kim played a bagpipe really fast
She got it right
Then we sang a Scottish song
First time we got it wrong
Aced it on our second try
Wore a kilt and had to fly to these pretty cloisters
Guess what, we finished first!
Confidence, we had plenty
But this was in 2020
Watch Corona crush our race
Uh oh, this means global fear, outta here
Race is off for a year
Sit at home and sit at home and sit at home until
Late in 2021 we flew back to get it done
Switzerland restart
Seven teams took part in the

[Chorus: Penn Holderness]
End of the show, we have done it
It took almost two years for us to run it
In leg four, on a mountain
We would run it on a tiny rope line

[Verse 3: Penn Holderness, Kim Holderness]
In the Alps it was pretty
I spent all my time sprinting
Had to do a flag dance, it was hard
We missed our chance
Dusty, Ryan finished first
We were second, not the worst
Leg 5 we won't forget, Kim would jump without a net
"Oh my God, she did it! Yes! You're such a badass!"
She would overcome her fear, I would be consumed with tears
After that crazy scare, had to climb a thousand stairs
Finished third, that was wonky
Corsica, led a donkey down a hill into a truck
Other teams, they were stuck
Man, this is a crazy ride
Down a freaking rock slide
During this I looked cool
Know when I did not look cool?
Almost at the finish line, so far from suburbia
Seemed like the perfect time for me to get a hernia
"I just got a hernia."
"Honey, you did?"
"I just got a hernia."
"Honey, honey, we're turning."
Kim just kept paddling
I just pushed that muscle thing back inside
[Chorus: Penn Holderness]
It's the end of the show, we have done it
Took us almost two years just to run it
This is leg six, and oh look, yeah, we won it!
But it's maggots time
"Oh, is that bugs?"
"Yup!"

[Verse 4: Penn Holderness, Kim Holderness, Raquel Moore]
We went camping by a creek
She grabbed my butt
"Full cheek."
Sat by a fire too, got to know the whole crew
Leg seven, we ate maggots
In the end I was gaggin'
Found some fish and memorized 'em
Ryan, Dusty capsizing
Fix a net, who is fastest?
"Activate nerd glasses."
Yeah, I look like a nerd, but who cares?
We finished first!
Hyperfocus helped me cause I have ADHD
So we finished first in Greece
"Do not talk to the priest."
Lulu, Lala finished last
We love them, we were sad
But one thing was must-see, Raquel eating souvlaki
"I look like an animal. I'm a savage."
And now the teams are down to four
Had no clue what was in store
It looked like a giant clock
It had 5,000 rocks
Only four coins in there, she's pulling out all her hair
They're all crying cause it sucked
"Just plain dumb luck."
Raquel found it, got the jump
Finished first, they were pumped
Cuts and bruises, we need showers
Dusty took four hours
But after frustration, it was non-elimination, right? (Woo)
[Chorus: Penn Holderness]
It's the end of the show and we know it
Did we win a million bucks or did we blow it?
Go to Portugal next, then we're going to the finish line

[Verse 5: Penn Holderness]
Leg 10, morning breezes
Wow, that is a giant Jesus
Get into a car and go
Find a flag, row a boat
It's another roadblock Kim just completely rocked
She got back to shore first
Then we paint, I'm the worst at painting!
Oh well, passed by Cayla and Raquel
Went to a monastery
Count the arches, I can't see!
Knowing that I had to hurry, but those arches, really blurry!
Seven times I had to run
Cayla got it on guess one
Girls are in the final three with Ryan, Dusty, Kim and me
It all ends back in LA
This would be a bonkers day
Started with a cryptic clue, didn't know what to do
Kim found out minutes later, it was on the elevator!
We got out of there first
But pinatas were the worst
Broke so many, I was wiped
Sadly none of them were right
Girls are first
Now what's next?
Re-creating sound effects
That was fun, but when we're done
Girls were team number one
Feel like we would come up short
We got to a tennis court
Testing all our memory from all the things we've done and seen
Kinda knew that this was last
But we took notes, so we were fast
Raquel, Cayla almost done!
They had all of them but one!
We felt pretty good because we lined them up and asked the judge
Then, at last she yelled "Game, set, match!"
Running down the tunnel
And then running through the fog into the finish line!

[Chorus: Penn Holderness]
It's the end of the show and we won it!
It's the end of the show and we won it!
We have no freaking clue how we've done it (I get to go see my kids)
But it's party time!