[Verse]
I was performing on the street with an open case of money
When a fella stumbled over, started looking at me funny
He tipped his hat and then he asked if I could learn a song
Told him "sure, but walk me through it so that I don't get it wrong"

I started getting nerves 'cause when he came to me and asked
He was mumbling his words and had a finger in his ass
But he gave me his money and I asked him how it goes
Then he got up on the stage and startеd putting on a show

[Chorus]
To hell with Lilian Gish
'cause unlike Grеta Garbo she was such a bitch
Buster Keaton's still my number one
'cause John Gilbert's dead and Charlie Chaplin ate my son

[Verse]
I said "that's quite a song you got I think it's rather catchy
But the energy is down and the lyric's a bit sketchy"
He raised his voice and promised me that it would be a hit
It would dominate the airwaves and be groovy with the kids

I was havin' high doubts 'cause the references were dated
But I looked down at my money and my piggy bank's deflated
He handed me a contract, told me "you can have the song
But if you change the words the life you livin' won't be very long"
Took it to the studio and started getting to it
Made sure every lick was perfect every lyric was included
A couple hours passed, before I knew it it was printed
Then it started selling copies which I wouldn't have predicted

[Chorus]
To hell with Lilian Gish
'cause unlike Greta Garbo she was such a bitch
Buster Keaton's still my number one
'cause John Gilbert's dead and Charlie Chaplin ate my son

[Verse]
It started selling millions I became a household name
Now the title of the song is probably written on my grave
I couldn't help but feel like the man was somewhat cheated
Although he handed me the song and told me I could keep it

I decidedly invited him to join me at my show
Said he'd walk out on the stage and I'd commend him for his notes
Said "here he is now, the man who put it all together
He's the writer of the song and deserves a little pleasure"

After all the fanfare and the man was introduced
Just halfway across the stage he stepped and tripped over his shoe
The crowd all sat in terror as they gazed upon the truth
He was Rudolph Valentino in an old skinsuit
[Chorus]
To hell with Lilian Gish
'cause unlike Greta Garbo she was such a bitch
Buster Keaton's still my number one
'cause John Gilbert's dead and Charlie Chaplin ate my son