When I bought my house I felt there's something wrong in here
It's not the secret passageways or creepy chandeliers
It's coming from the room where I wash my hands and poop
The Hell gate in my toilet's what I fear

The plumbers that I've called have all been chased out the house
And I hate when I find demon babies gnawing on my couch
There's hell hounds on the roof, gremlins eating all my food
And soon I will be 6 feet underground

My toilet's a portal to the underworld
Gotta wipe away my sins
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
And you just might fall in
I get so nervous when I'm on the john
And I start to hear my name
Next thing you know I'm looking down
And I see a bowl of flames

And I loved hearing demonic voices when I take a shit
And my asshole tends to be on fire every time I sit
The next time my ass is blazed, I will piss on Satan's face
'cause frankly now I'm getting sick of it

When I have guests I sometimes wonder why they take so long
And when I check they've always been seduced by Satan's song
The murder's blamed on me, at least in the penitentiary
I can take a crap without the demon spawns
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
Gotta wipe away my sins
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
And you just might fall in
I get so nervous when I'm on the john
And I start to hear my name
Next thing you know I'm looking down
And I see a bowl of flames

Ah! It feels so good to finally take a piss!
Watch where you draw your flow!
Aw shit, not again!
(Laugh)
It's time to bring out the plunger, motherfucker!
Oh no, please, not the plunger!
Die! (Laugh)
(Toilet flush)

My toilet's a portal to the underworld
Gotta wipe away my sins
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
And you just might fall in
I get so nervous when I'm on the john
And I start to hear my name
Next thing you know I'm looking down
And I see a bowl of flames
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
Gotta wipe away my sins
My toilet's a portal to the underworld
And you just might fall in
I get so nervous when I'm on the john
And I start to hear my name
Next thing you know I'm looking down
And I see a bowl of flames
(Toilet flush)