INT. SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY CAFETERIA, NIGHT.
Emergency All School meeting. Students and their parents file into the cafeteria and find seats. Mr. Mackey approaches the mic
MR. MACKEY: Alright parents and students, please take your seats. [A gleeful Randy crumples a sheet of paper into a ball and throws it at him as Sharon looks on. The crumpled up paper strikes Mr. Mackey, who tries to deflect it and gets annoyed] Okay, okay. Now as you know, There was an incident at the school last week involving a student referring to rape as a "hot Cosby," okay? [everyone laughs. Cartman looks around, smiling] Listen, listen! Principal Victoria has been fired!
VARIOUS ADULTS: What? Fired?
CARTMAN: Sweet dude!
MR. MACKEY: And a new person has been appointed to try and make South Park Elementary a amore... progressive place that... fits in with today's times. Heh ukay? So please welcome... PC Principal.
A burly man holding a sports bottle walks through the cafeteria. He sports a goatee, a hint of a mustache, and Oakley sunglasses. He swallows the last of the drink and throws the bottle off to one side
PC PRINCIPAL: All right, listen up. My name is PC Principal. I don't know about you, but frankly I'm sick and tired of how minority groups are marginalized in today's society. I'm here because this place is lost in a time warp! Students who still use the word "retarded"! A teacher who said women without wombs should get an AIDS test!
Mr. Garrison: Oh, I was a [takes his right wrist and flips it forward] lesbian then.
PC PRINCIPAL: A chef "person of color" who the children had sing soul songs and who the children drove to kill himself!
BUTTERS: No, he got brainwashed by a cult.
PC PRINCIPAL: [aims his left index finger at Butters] And that's two days' detention for you, young man! We'll see you at 4!
BUTTERS: What??
PC PRINCIPAL: Let me ask you this. We're in Colorado, right?! Where are the Hispanic kids?! Huh?! Where are the ethnic and racial minorities?!
MR. MACKEY: Well, we have Token; he's black.
PC PRINCIPAL: [aims his left index finger at Mackey] And that's two days' detention for you, Mackey! Congratulations!
MR. MACKEY: Wha- I got detention?
PC PRINCIPAL: I Googled South Park before I came here, and I cannot believe the shit you're getting away with! People claiming to be advocates of transgender rights, but really just wanting to use the women's bathroom! [Sharon and Stan look at Randy] A white man who thinks he's Chinese and built a wall to keep out Mongolians
TUONG LU KIM: Ohhhh I hate-a Mongorians!
PC PRINCIPAL: What the fuck is this?! Are you fucking kidding me?! I'm telling you all, this is done! Like it or not, PC is back, and it's bigger than ever!! Woowoowoo You hear that?! That's the sound of 2015 pulling you over, people! Suck it! [holds his right arm out and lets the mic drop to the floor from his hand]
INT - SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY, DAY
Kids walk here and there in the hall. Stan, Kyle, and Kenny walk together
STAN: [looking around] Man, I guess things are going to be different around here.
KYLE: You know what? I think it's good. Let's face it: this is long overdue.
BUTTERS: [runs up to the other three] Did you guys hear? Cartman got four days' suspension, for calling Heidi Turner "clitty litter"!
KENNY: (Really?)
BUTTERS: But the thing is, Eric isn't even fightin' it. It's like he's all sad and scared.
KYLE: Good! He should be sad and scared! These things do matter And I already feel better to be at a school where we can start to have a dialogue and talk about this stuff.
MR. MACKEY: [over the P.A. system] Will uh, Kyle Broflovski report to the principal's office immediately? Uhkay? Kyle Broflovski. [Kyle walks off] Did I, did I say that all right?
The principal's office, some time later. Gerald opens the office door and steps in
GERALD: Uhm, hi, I'm Gerald, Kyle Broflovski's father.
PC PRINCIPAL: Have a seat. I've been talking with your child, and we're gonna be giving him two weeks' detention.
GERALD: [to Kyle, in a hushed voice] Wull, what's this about, Kyle?
PC PRINCIPAL: Your son said some things to a fourth-grade girl that frankly make me wanna puke! Now that I'm principal, I'm not gonna allow [pounds the desk with his left fist] anyone at this school to be made feel unsafe and harassed!
GERALD: Wh-wh-what did he say?
PC PRINCIPAL: [takes off his sunglasses] You'll have toe excuse my language. [picks up a report and clears his throat] "I don't think Caitlyn Jenner is a hero." [no reaction from Gerald or Kyle. PC Principal gets ready to erupt] This kind of transphobic and [pounds the desk with his left fist] bigoted hate speech isn't gonna fly here, bro! Well I thought we were all on board that Caitlyn Jenner is an amazing, [quickly stands up] beautiful woman who had the exquisite bravery of a butterfly flying against the wind. And then this shit comes out of people's mouths!
GERALD: PC Principal, I, I'm sure Kyle was just referring to Bruce Jenner as a person, and not trying to say anything against-
PC PRINCIPAL: You got a fuckin' problem bro?!
GERALD: No...
PC PRINCIPAL: 'Cause it's not Bruce fuckin' Jenner! It's Caitlyn, and she's a fuckin' stunning woman! Or maybe you're the one teaching him to demean women in the first place! HUH?! What's up?! What's fuckin' up, bro?
GERALD: Look, maybe we can all just ta-
PC PRINCIPAL: Get the fuck out of here, dude! [turns the desk over, sending papers all over the place]
GERALD AND KYLE: [alarmed] Aaah! [Gerald takes Kyle and they both rush to the door, open it, and rush out]
INT - CRUNCHY'S MICRO BREW, DAY
The men of the town have gathered at this new watering hole. At the center table sit Stuart, Stephen, Randy, Gerald, and Ryan Valmer
RANDY: I mean, who the hell does this guy think he is? Some college kid's gonna come in and tell us our ways are old?
STUART: Yeah. And, you can't bully our kids like that.
GERALD: Kyle's already got two weeks of detention.
STEPHEN: Huh for what?!
GERALD: Just 'cause he said something about Caitlyn Jenner. [a hush falls over the table]
STEPHEN: Oh, Caitlyn Jenner. she's a hero. She is stunning and brave.
STUART: Stunning. She is absolutely beautiful, and an inspiration.
RYAN: Yup!
RANDY: Yup, that's right.
GERALD: Well what the hell were you guys talki-
RYAN: we've gotta be careful, Gerald. This is a college bar.
PC BRO 1: Somebody here have a problem with Caitlyn Jenner?
RYAN: No.
PC BRO 1: No? 'Cause she's a stunning, beautiful woman, and if you wanna call her anything else I'm ready to fuckin' throw down!
STUART: No no, we're totally fine with it.
PC Bro 2: Woowoowoowoowoo! [walks up waving his left hand over his head like a police siren] It? Did somebody just refer to Caitlyn Jenner as "it"? I'm PC, bro. I'll throw down!
PC BRO 1: Sweet. You're PC bro?
PC Bro 2: Yeah, Arizona State.
PC BRO 1: Sweet, bro. I'm PC UMass.
PC Bro 2: Fuck yeah! Sweet, dude! [holds up his left hand open]
PC BRO 1: [clasps the other guy's left hand with his own] Sweet! [releases the grip] So, do we have a fuckin' problem here?
STEPHEN: No! Caitlyn Jenner is the bravest woman in America.
PC BRO 3: Woo-oowoo-oowoo-oo! [walks up waving his right hand over his head like a police siren] Did someone here just say "America" in a way that "otherwise" and demeans the people of Latin and South America?!
PC Bro 2: Nice, dude. You PC?
PC BRO 3: Yeah, Chino Hills. [to the seated men] You think Venezuelans aren't Americans, brah?!
PC Bro 2: Yeah, you wanna make fun of me?!
PC PRINCIPAL: [notices the commotion and walks up] Hey! What seems to be the problem here, gentlemen?!
PC BRO 1: Who the hell are you?!
PC PRINCIPAL: I'm PC Principal.
PC Bro 2: Oh nice. We're all PC too.
PC PRINCIPAL: No way! There's more PC bros here?
PC BRO 4: Yeah dude, Ohio State.
PC PRINCIPAL: Sweet, bro. Texas A&M. Bro, I had no idea there were like-minded individuals in this town that defended social minorities. We should all hang out.
PC BRO 1: We should totally hang out.
PC BRO 4: We should all get a house together and unite our tolerant views.
PC BRO 1: Fuckin' do it, dude!
PC BRO 4: Fuck yeah!
EXT - A NEW FRAT HOUSE IN SOUTH PARK - RHO OMEGA DELTA - NIGHT
PC bros are everywhere, lifting weights, fighting, drinking from kegs, having a good time. Two of them are on a balcony drinking PBR as two farmers gaze at the house from a distance.
JANITOR: Well, looks like thangs are gettin' all PC again. [a shot of the house again]
FRIEND: Well how long d'you think this will last?
JANITOR: Lasted about six years last time. We got at least [checks his watch] 5.9 years to go.
INT - SOUTH PARK ELEMENTARY, DAY
The school bell rings, and Cartman is at his locker getting his back pack. The other boys walk up to him.
KYLE: Uhhh, hey Cartman. Uhwaht's goin' on? Aren't you going to ah, you know, go do something about this new principal?
CARTMAN: I've already got four days of detention. I don't want anymore. I'm gonna start following the rules.
STAN: But, this isn't you, Cartman.
KYLE: Yeah, where is the Eric Cartman we know? The Eric Cartman we know breaks the rules. And he gets away with it. Just like his hero! Come on, who's your hero, Cartman?!
CARTMAN: [sighs heavily] Tom Brady.
STAN: Right! And what does Tom Brady do after breaking the rules?
CARTMAN: Deny and subvert.
STAN: Yeah!
BUTTERS: Yeah, what? Well what would Tom Brady say if he got caught shoplifting.
CARTMAN: Everybody shoplifts. Why are you coming down on me? Kyle, Stan...
BUTTERS: Yeah!
KYLE: [walks up to Cartman] You're Tom Brady, Cartman! And that new principal in there is the football commissioner trying to dictate his punishment to you. And what happens when an invulnerable cheater comes up against an elitist corporate dictator?
CARTMAN: A perfect storm of hypocrisy that everyone in the country has to deal with for months on end.
CARTMAN: [pacing back and forth] You're right, guys. I'm gonna Tom Brady this thing!
BOYS: Yeah!
CARTMAN: I'm gonna say, I'm gonna say "You're not giving me four day of detention! You're only giving me one!"
BOYS: Yeah!
CARTMAN: NO! No, to hell with that! "You're giving me NO days suspension! And then I'm gonna go home and fuck my hot wife! Who's not even that hot, and kinda looks like a dude!" [marches off]
BOYS: Yeah!
CARTMAN: [turns around] Thanks, guys. I almost forgot the lessons that football has taught us all. I can get around these pesky rules. Butters, I'm going to need your underwear. [walks off]
BUTTERS: Well ohhh-kay! [walks off after Cartman]
KYLE: Cool. I think we did it. [raises his left arm, and Stan high-fives it]
Cut to South Park Elementary, hallway. PC Principal walks through it like the Big Man On Campus. The kids look up at him in awe. He reaches the stairs leading up to the faculty bathroom. Nearby Jenny Simons looks at him, he looks back. He opens his arms as if to scare a bear, then he takes a step in Jenny's direction. Jenny backs away immediately. PC Principal goes downstairs.
Faculty bathroom, moments later. PC Principal puts his glasses behind his head and does his business at the urinal. Cartman drops down from the toilet in the stall behind the principal and steps outside the stall
CARTMAN: Oh, PC Principal, how are you today?
PC PRINCIPAL: What are you doing in the faculty bathroom?
CARTMAN: You know, I think you and I got off on the wrong foot the other day. By all means, please, keep your dick out. You see, I'm not going to accept four days of detention and... you're going t'apologize publicly for being so strict to me and my friends at school.
PC PRINCIPAL: What the fuck are you talking about?
CARTMAN: It's just a request, that's all. See you around. [stops and looks down] Oh, you seem to have dropped something, PC Principal. [picks it up] What's this? Why, this is a little boy's underwear. [sniffs at it] Why, this is Butters' underwear.
PC PRINCIPAL: [zips up and looks at Cartman] What?
CARTMAN: PC Principal, you have Butters' underwear and now... [drops it into the urinal and soaks it in PC Principal's urine - the principal had not flushed the urinal - and pulls the briefs out.] Oh my gosh, it's got your DNA all over it. [through some windows above the urinal, Kyle, Butters, Craig, Stan, and Token watch the action unfold] This certainly doesn't look good for you. I don't need to tell anyone about this. No, I think we have an understanding. Capisce?
PC PRINCIPAL: What did you just say?
CARTMAN: You mean about keeping your dick out?
PC PRINCIPAL: "Capisce"?! You're associating Italian-Americans to intimidation tactics?! [one by one, the boys' smiles disappear] You'd better watch your micro-aggression's, bro! [now the boys are afraid of the next move]
CARTMAN: Oh-kay. Look, you don't want to end up like the spokesman for Subway, so you?
PC PRINCIPAL: Did you just use a term that excludes women from an occupation?! [picks Cartman up...]
CARTMAN: Okay, let's back up. [...and slams him against the stall] Aaah!
PC PRINCIPAL: [slams him several times into the wall next to the mirror] Did you just say "spokesman" instead of "spokesperson"?! When women are just as capable at selling sandwiches as anyone?! [slams Cartman into the mirror, shattering it] Are you purposely trying to use words that assert your male privilege?! [slams Cartman into a sink, shattering it]
CARTMAN: [quuickly] No, I'm sorry. I was just trying to frame you for raping Butters!
PC PRINCIPAL: [ignoring him] Do you think Italian-Americans and women are less important?! [pins Cartman to the floor and starts beating him up]
CARTMAN: Oh God!
PC PRINCIPAL: You dare use words that alienate two communities of people who have to deal with biases like yours on a daily basis?! [beats him up some more. The other boys leave the window and walk away.]
EXT. RHO OMEGA DELTA HOUSE - NIGHT
The frat bros are having a good time as "Genius of Love" plays in the background. Randy looks out from his bedroom window, not being able to sleep, and sees the fret house. He puts his fists against his hips and heads for the house. He bangs on the door until it opens
RANDY: Can I speak with PC Principal please?
PC BRO 5: Oh yeah. We got another one, guys!
PC BRO 6: All right. Bring him in, bro!
PC BRO 7: [voice only] We're ready! Woo! [other PC bros haul him in and change his clothes]
RANDY: Hey what? [stands in line with a bunch of other guys] Hey no, I- No, I don't- [he is now wearing a PLEDGE shirt - he is now a pledge for this fraternity]
PC BRO 8: All the pledges take a shot! [the music is cut off, frat bros come in and offers the pledges swigs from various bottles of wine]
PC PRINCIPAL: All right pledges, we're excited. You wanna try and be PC. We hope you've got what it takes to join the most socially active group in America.
PC BROS: Wooo!
PC PRINCIPAL: You know, there's still some people out there that say "What does being PC really mean?" Well, I'll tell you what it means. It means you love nothin' more than beer, workin' out, and that feelin' you get when you rhetorically defend a marginalized community from systems of oppression.
PC BROS:Wooo! Yeah! Dude, let's go! Woowooo! Yeah!
RANDY: [takes a swig] Yeah!
PC BROS: Wooohooo!
RANDY: [shakes his head vigorously] Wooo-ooo!
PC BROS: Wooohooo! let's go! Yeah!
INT - THE MARSH HOUSE, MORNING
Randy comes down the stairs slowly, painfully. He stops a moment to address a headache. He makes his way slowly to the kitchen and sits at the breakfast table. He hangs his head and rests it on his right hand. Sharon, arms crossed, has been waiting for him.
SHARON: You got home pretty late last night. Six AM?
RANDY: I've joined a social awareness group. It's a coalition that discourages the use of ... words that have negative or offensive connotations... to grant respect to people who are victims of unfair stereotypes.
SHARON: You got in at Six and now you're missing work.
RANDY: We've been getting away with horrible things, Sharon. Having- laughs at less privileged people and thinking it was harmless. Our group is... trying to be a civilizing influence... where we discuss and have meetings to better define and reinforce tolerance and acceptance [voice trails off] of all groups of people.
SHARON: Hm... And do they have booze at these meetings?
RANDY: Uhhhh... They serve refreshments, yes.
INT - HOSPITAL, NIGHT
Cartman is on a bed hooked up to monitoring equipment. He's got two black eyes, cuts on his arms, and a cast on his right leg. Stan, Kyle, Butters, and Kenny stop by
STAN: Cartman?
CARTMAN: [with raspy voice] We can't beat him, you guys. PC Principal is too strong.
BUTTERS: What do we do now?
CARTMAN: There's nothing left to do. I'm going to admit I did something wrong, take my punishment, and move on. I'm not Tom Brady.
BUTTERS: [earnestly] Oh no!
KYLE: Dude, if we all tell the police what the principal did, he'll be fired!
STAN: Yeah.
CARTMAN: No way.
KYLE: Why?
CARTMAN: Because PC Principal is right, Kyle. You and I are bigots, and it's time for us to grow up.
KYLE: No, you're a bigot.
CARTMAN: If I can face my prejudice, why can't you? We're two privileged, straight white boys who have their laughs about things we never had to deal with.
KYLE: I'm not going to apologize for saying Caitlyn Jenner isn't a hero! In fact, personally, I think she's most likely not a very good person! [the boys gasp]
CARTMAN: [In added pain] Aaahh, aahh! [looks left at Kyle] Kyle, believe me! I know the struggle with hatred. Let's make ourselves better people... together. [reaches out to Kyle]
KYLE: Come on, fatass.
CARTMAN: No more fat-shaming, Kyle. Let's start a new chapter.
KYLE: So you're never gonna call me a dirty Jew again?
CARTMAN: No. I'm going to call you... my friend.
KYLE: Oh fuck you. [turns around and walks out]
CARTMAN: I... guess we never realized how bad he really was.
INT. RHO OMEGA DELTA HOUSE - NIGHT
Randy dances with other bros to "Watch Me (Whip / Nae Nae)" and takes a sip of beer after each dance move
PC PRINCIPAL: All right, pledges, listen up. Congratulations on making it to the final cuts. [only three pledges are left - Randy and two other men.]
PLEDGES: Wooohoo! Yeah!
PC PRINCIPAL: Now it's time for the final test. So what you're gonna have to do to prove you belong with PC, is just go out there, and check someone's privilege.
PLEDGE 1: Finally!
PLEDGE 2: Yes!
RANDY: I'm sorry, I don't know what that is.
PC PRINCIPAL: Topher, can you explain "check your privilege" please.
TOPHER: [PC Bro 1] Uh, that's getting someone to acknowledge their own inherent privileges and reminding them to put them aside in order to better understand another human's plight.
PC PRINCIPAL: Yeah, see, there's some people out there like Brett fucking Favre who think that when we all stand up and applaud Caitlyn Jenner at the ESPY Awards, he can get away with one of these bullshit claps! [performs a limp clap] It's called "clapping" Favre! What the fuck are you doing?! Washing your hands?! You're either on board, or you're NOT, bro! Now, if he's gonna bring shame on someone, then he can have his privilege checked and have a little shame brought down on him!
RANDY: You want me to shame Brett Favre?
PC PRINCIPAL: [stops to stare at Randy] No. 'Cause there's somebody even worse now.
INT. - KYLE'S ROOM - NIGHT
Kyle's asleep, and we quickly find out who could be worse then Brett Favre. On the inner side of the bed is Randy, and on the window side are the two pledges who were with him for the final cut. One 3 the three men shake Kyle's bed and blow into noisemakers.
KYLE: AAAAHH! What the fuck, dude?! What the fuck?! [A few seconds later the men rush out of the room as he watches them leave. Then he looks down and sees pigs all over the floor. Each one has the word "Biggit" painted on.]
INT. - CARTMAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM - NIGHT
Cartman begins to dream of a football game. He's dressed as Tom Brady, with his back to the camera. His voice echoes throughout the dream
CARTMAN BRADY: [turns around] I may be down, but I'm not out. Tom Brady's never out!
COMMISSIONER CARTMAN: You broke the rules!
CARTMAN BRADY: Fuck you, "I broke the rules"! YOU're breaking the rules!
COMMISSIONER CARTMAN: Fuck you, you broke the rules!
CARTMAN BRADY: You broke the rules, how you found out I broke the rules!
COACH CARTMAN: Yeah, you broke the rules!
COMMISSIONER CARTMAN: I'm the commissioner! I can break the rules 'cause you guys broke the rules before! I didn't bust you enough!
COACH, BRADY: Just because you didn't bust us enough for breakin' the rules, that doesn't mean you can break the rules bustin' us now!
COMMISSIONER CARTMAN: Fuck both you guys! I can do whatever I want! I'm breakin' the rules!
CARTMAN BRADY: Fuck you, I'm Tom Brady!
COMMISSIONER CARTMAN: Fuck you, I'm the commissioner! I'll make up new rules!
COACH, BRADY: Fuck your rules!
COMMISSIONER CARTMAN: Fuck you guys, always fucking rules!
CARTMAN BRADY: Fuck all the rules! [all this wakes Cartman up]
CARTMAN: Ack! Butters!
BUTTERS: I'm here, Eric.
CARTMAN: Oh Butters, I've lived such a horrible life! Always doing whatever I want and claiming it to be for integrity. BUTTERS?
BUTTERS: Yes Eric.
CARTMAN: I'm never going back to the person I was. I swear to God. From now on the world is going to know a new and better Eric Cartman.
INT. - THE MARSH HOUSE - DAY
The doorbell rings and Stan rushes to the door to see who it is. When he opens the door, he sees Kyle with a tree stuck on his back and penises drawn all over his face.
KYLE: Will you please tell your dad to leave me alone?
STAN: Dude, what happened?
KYLE: [steps inside, tree and all] Your dad was on my lawn yelling at me all night, and after I finally fell asleep I woke up Saran-wrapped to a tree with penises on my face. And this. [removes his hat to reveal his hair gathered into four crude ponytails, one of them covered in a condom. Stan is stunned, but takes it in]
STAN: Hang on. [walks to the kitchen] Dad, did you draw dicks on my friend's face?
RANDY: [back at the kitchen table, with a hangover, like last time] Did I check his privilege? Yes. I had some refreshments and I checked your friend's privilege.
STAN: That's my best friend, Dad! Stop shaming him because you want to fit in!
RANDY: Stan, straight white males in a capitalistic society have little- understanding of victimization compared to injustices against the underprivileged. Dicks on your face is a very first-world problem. [the liquor comes back into his mouth] Oh shit! [vomits as he heads toward the sink]
STAN: [returns] Look, Kyle, maybe you should just say Caitlyn Jenner is a hero.
KYLE: I didn't even say she wasn't a hero! I just said she isn't a hero to me! I didn't like Bruce Jenner as a person when he was on the Kardashians, and I don't suddenly like him now!
A PASSING PC BRO: Woowoowoowoo!
STAN: Her.
KYLE: HER, yes!
INT. - CARTMAN'S HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY
Cartman is on his feet, stumbling
CARTMAN: OH. Eh, oh it's no use, Butters. I want to get out there and start making positive changes, but I... can barely even walk. [thinks a moment] How is everybody doing?
BUTTERS: Well they're fine. Everyone's just kind of keepin' their mouths shut. It's kinda nice. [smiles] So the PC guys are leavin' people alone. Well, except for...
CARTMAN: Who?
BUTTERS: Well, well now they've made Kyle their main target.
CARTMAN: [soft music plays] ...Kyle? ...My friend Kyle? [begins removing his hospital clothes slowly and replacing them with his own clothes]
BUTTERS: Eric, what are you doing?
CARTMAN: I don't have a choice. I have to take these PC people out.
BUTTERS: Oh, but I thought you agreed with them.
CARTMAN: I do, but I have to help Kyle, even if I don't agree with his hateful, bigoted thoughts. Kyle's view may be warped. I personally think Caitlyn Jenner's a stunning hero, [clears his throat] but that doesn't mean I'll stand by while Kyle's intolerance is dealt with violently. We're going to war with these PC people once and for all! Butters, I'm going to need 200 pregnant Mexican women and some taco launchers.
BUTTERS: Well ohhh-kay!
INT. - RHO OMEGA DELTA HOUSE - NIGHT
The PC bros have gathered around a door entrance, and begin chanting...
PC BROS: Social Justice 1 2 3 Woowoo! I wanna be PC Woowoo! It's just the way to be for me! And you! Woowoo! Your hateful slurs are though! Woowoo!
PC BRO 9: I call woowoo on you!
PC BROS: Woowoo! We'll fight until you're PC black and blue!
RANDY: Woowoo!
PC BROS: We are language police fighting bigotry!
Hurtful words can suck our turds, 'cause it's PC for me!
PC BRO 5: And you!
PC BROS: Woowoo! Yeah! Yeah! Fuck yeah!
PC BRO 5: Fuck yeah, bro! PC bro! [Cartman is now on the scene, walking with a crutch and a walkie-talkie.]
CARTMAN: All right, send in the pregnant Mexican women! [Butters, with a semaphore flag in each hand, gives the signal for the women to rush the house]
Pregnant Mexican Women: Ohh! Ohh! Ohh!
PC BRO 5: Fuck, bro?! [Cartman stops by the taco launchers, which are manned by Clyde, Craig, and Tweek]
CARTMAN: Fire the taco launchers! [the boys load the launchers and let fly. Tacos rain down upon the frat house. The women arrive and run itno the house, picking up tacos on the way] Syrian refugee children, flank from the left! [a truck load of Syrian refugee children is waiting for the truck bed to empty out. Butters releases the cargo door and the kidds flood out towards the house]
PC BRO 2: Dude, what is this, bro?!
PC BRO 6: I don't know, bro!
CARTMAN: [looking through some binoculars] The Syrian refugee children are in; send in Jared! [Jared appears with his arms stretched out, ready to grab anything. He follows the women and the kids into the frat house, but doesn't grab anyone. The rest of the neighborhood gathers and marches towards the house]
STEPHEN: What in the world is going on??
CARTMAN: All right, good. The pregnant Mexican women are falling asleep on the tacos. [sees Jared on the balcony trying to grab some kids, and some bros stop Jared] All right, the Syrian refugees are trying to protect their children! [a split second later two cars crash into each other in front of the house.]
A PC BRO: [falls from the balcony to his death] Ohhh! [lands on his head]
CARTMAN: There's still too many PC guys on the balcony and- oh. [spots a familiar face] Oh fuck, there's Kyle. [lowers his binoculars] What the fuck are you doing, Kyle?
KYLE: Enough! Stop! Everyone STOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHP! [The camera shows his head bigger than usual and the air brighter then usual. His voice echoes across town and everyone stops in their tracks. A pregnant woman picks up a taco and runs off with it.] This is so wrong! I can't let it continue! This is not ever what I intended! I just want to say... Caitlyn Jenner is a hero. There's no other way to say it. What she did took bravery, and she is absolutely stunning. [Moments later, PC Principal steps forward and begins clapping. Once the clapping reaches normal speed, others begin to join in. A live-action shot is even thrown in]
TOWNSMAN: Wooo.
SOUTH PARK - DAY
the dawn of a new day. Everyone gathers in the school cafeteria, which has a sign at the entrance: WELCOME TO 2015 SOUTH PARK. Inside, people are having conversations, kids are running around, Randy's butt is getting branded...
RANDY: Ow, hot. Hot hot, hothohhht. [PC Bro 4 takes the branding iron off, and Randy is officially a PC Bro. He stands up and gets dressed.] Ahhh.
PC PRINCIPAL: I gotta hand it to you, Marsh. You really checked that little boy's privilege. Using those Syrian refugees was genius, bro.
PC BRO 4: Yeah. I would have never thought to use offensive imagery and outrageous stereotypes to provoke someone to open their eyes.
RANDY: So I'm PC now?
PC PRINCIPAL: You're not only PC, you've actually changed my PC. [whips out some sunglasses] Congrats. Here's your Oakleys.
RANDY: Oh wow. Oakleys! [puts them on and his voice changes] Oh yeah bro, these are sweet.
The big five stand nearby observing the small ceremony
STAN: So I guess PC Principal is here to stay, huh?
CARTMAN: Yes. But at least we him that sometimes joking about un-PC things can actually be important, because it starts a dialogue. [Kyle lowers his eyelids and the others back away] What's wrong, Kyle? You have your cake. Eat it, too.
STAN: It just seems to me like we all lost in this, and that the only person who won was you.
CARTMAN: Hmmm... And who does that remind you of, Kyle? Now if you don't mind, I'm gonna go home and fuck my hot wife. Who, kind of looks like, a dude.
End of Stunning And Brave. Cartman hums his own version of the theme song.
END EPISODE
