[Verse 1]
I walked down past the courthouse square
Three blocks or maybe four
Run into my old friend there
That runs a handy hardware store
I said, "Morning, Lonnie, what's the good word?"
He said, "Abraham Lincoln, Lone Ranger, Mickey Mouse
And I'm sold out of flagpoles"

I popped the top off a soda pop
Laid a quarter on the bar
I said, "Inflation is a dirty dog
My payday sure ain't going far"
"Liberty," said Lonnie, "E Pluribus Unum, in God we trust
And I'm sold out of flagpoles"

I said, "Hey, Lonnie, did you see
Evel Knievel jumping on TV?
Jumped thirteen buses with his machine
Reckon he could jump fourteen?"
"No doubt," said Lonnie
"Winners keep on winning, even losers win sometimes
And I'm sold out of flagpoles"

"Ain't this been a year," I said
"For frost and blight and flood and drought
Twice as many tornadoes
Reckon it's all caused by fallout"
"Nah, it's the season," said Lonnie
"They change, wind's gonna blow, always did
And I'm sold out of flagpoles"
"Hey, what do you think about the sheriff's daughter
Running off with the preacher's son?
The sheriff's wife had to hold him back
From going after them with his gun"
"Boys and girls," said Lonnie, "will get together
Everything's normal and I'm sold out of flagpoles"

[Outro]
And I'm sold out of flagpoles
Sold out of flagpoles
Sold out of flagpoles