[Round 1: The Saurus]
Alright, look…
Everywhere I go, I keep my energy the same
First time in Scotia! Shit, I thought I’d never see the day
But to be on this card? Wasn’t nothing getting in my way
I told Ganik, I’ll battle whoever he can name for whatever he can pay

[Organik]
Facts, facts!

[The Saurus]
You’re just the name they had for me
So let’s talk about it candidly
You’re here ‘cause you’re allowed to be
I’m here ‘cause I demand to be
You showed up ‘cause of how important it is for you to battle mе
I showed up ‘cause of how important it is for Pat’s family!
This match, for you, is like landing on thе moon
And that analogy is interesting
‘Cause where you’re from, your name holds zero gravity
They say that imitation is the sincerest form of flattery
But when you face the folks you imitate, they expose you as a parody
(*The Saurus gets flustered & quickly checks his phone to refresh his memory*)
If fans have seen one of your battles, they’ve seen ‘em all
The angles are the same
You’re the patron saint of pandering to the racists and the lames
I’ll bring Jumanji to your front door, it’s the nature of the game
Ron Artest…you want Peace? Stop playin’ wit’ my name!
I’m saying…
I’m saying…you clearly carry…this…desperation…to be approved
(Oh my God, I’m so sorry)
You clearly carry this desperation to be approved!
Then you choose the same two corny approaches in every battle that you do
(*The Saurus draws a blank & checks his phone as Organik asks if he wants to run his material from the top of the round*)
“A white nerd that raps? I bet that you didn’t expect me to.”
Then leans into the racism before he even gets accused
I heard you were the cameraman
I didn’t have any clue
But I was surprised ‘cause of the narrow lens you use to express your views
Well, Avocado’s filming this
You should study his every move
Maybe then you’ll learn more than the only two angles you ever use!
Instead of this…
“What do y’all know about being a nerd who never spent a second hustling?
What do y’all know about doing PowerPoint presentations and your MacBook starts malfunctioning?”
Well, I know absolutely nothing about being so exempt from struggling
That I’d appropriate an art form to mock the folks who built it’s suffering!
Fuck it, man, I finally understand where Anderson is coming from
He’s just appropriating one culture to parody another one
(Oh, I’m so sorry…)
[Round 1: Anderson Burrus]
Well, we finally got there, didn’t we?
He tried to spend most of the round tryin’ to say that I’m a clone
Said “Quit playing with my name!”
Bro, quit playing with your phone!
Good Lord!
They got me battling Pete Morris
This is enormous
I’m not just battling a Saurus…I’m battling The Saurus!
He created multi-syllabics, his mind’s on a higher level
People used to rhyme one syllable, he started rhyming several!
Bro, I’m here to cook, you’re here to eat
I really don’t care
They paid me in dough, they paid you in donairs
Your style is so bland
Bro, I came in like a boss
Pete’ll (Pita) (w)rap pretty tight, but I’m more famous for the sauce
Now let’s talk!
Your breath control is pathetic, bro

[The Saurus]
Facts

[Anderson Burrus]
You walk around extra slow
Last time you battled in Alaska, you got hunted by some Eskimos
He broke the scale at his friggin’ physical
They couldn’t even measure bro
I bet your doctors probably had it up to here (hear) with it…like a stethoscope
We tuned in to MASS 6 and saw this fat slob performing
You showed up like you woke up at a bus stop that morning
He’s like “The nickel raise!“
You're middle aged! Just stop! It’s corny!
Charron should’ve been the only rapper doing gun bars at 40!
But it’s always the same story!
The rhythm is off, man, like a mix in GarageBand
That’s why A. Ward dug a hole for you
He listened to God’s Plan
I’m just making it deeper than it needs to be like Kendrick Lamar fans!
Now Pete loves to-
[Organik]
That is crazy

[Anderson Burrus]
That’s crazy
That’s- That’s pandering to Kendrick
I’m a fan
I think Drake won! I think Drake won

Pete loves to talk about his legacy and brag he’s the GOAT…
As he battles Don Marino on the back of a boat
You might have traveled the coast and battled the most
But forget your legacy – let’s talk about the fact that you’re gross
When you battled Daylyt at the Bunker, you watched him wipe ball sweat on his hands
Really nasty stuff!
Then, in the next round, you leaned in and eagerly dapped him up!
Didn’t think twice about it, gave him a full open hand
Left the battle with an STD and a new Covid strand
See… now I understand why you have such a bad complexion
It wasn’t acne as a kid - it’s from constant staph infections
Pete went to a psychic and asked to get his palm read
They said, “Do you see this line right here? Yeah, this actually is ball sweat.”
You have the sanitation standards of Indian street food
So when you say-
(*The crowd reacts with a mix of shock and disgust to that last bar*)
We’ve seen the videos
You have the sanitation standards of Indian street food
So when you say you’re nasty with the hands, bro, I really believe you
Every time he’s on a card, the crowd gets the flu
Covid wasn’t started in a lab - it was Town Bidness 2!
[The Saurus]
Fire

[Anderson Burrus]
I mean, you are the grossest battle rapper
Bro has no limits!
You’ll dig up dirt on your opponent just so you can roll in it
We can’t allow this dude on stage until you learn how to bathe
I will compliment-battle you just to shower you with praise!
Bro, you’ve choked in every battle since 2016
You’re so dirty, you can’t get through your material clean
He’s always sweating like a fiend
You reek, and it’s toxic
Your face has more oil than P. Diddy’s closet!
He plays poker in-
(*The crowd erupts in reaction to that bar as Anderson daps The Saurus up… and then immediately applies hand sanitizer*)
Hold it down!
FI- Final-
Sorry, final ones!
Your face has more…yeah, than P. Diddy- whatever
Um…
It won’t be hot in, like, two months!
It won’t be good
But anyways, whatever, for now it’s fire

[The Saurus]
It wasn’t

[Anderson Burrus]
He plays poker in greasy sweats
You know he has stinky breath
His soul goes to leave his chest the moment he sees the steps
He’s a loner, an ogre, his home is completely wrecked
His morning routine looks like the opening scene from Shrek!
Your favorite battle rapper is Swamp
Time!

[Round 2: The Saurus]
He said something about Diddy’s oil
It’s time the kid should lose
How would you know if I was in that closet unless you were hiding in it too?
Y’all know what rhymes with “Anderson Burrus?” (What?)
Anxious and nervous
Lookin’ for antiperspirants and Xannies to purchase
Always within 100 feet of wherever an Amber Alert is
His most commonly used phrase is, “I can’t, I’m allergic.”
Such a stan of Charron, he found some land he could purchase
In Ottawa, and got a job scamming insurance
Sure, I’ve made a major impact! That’s undeniable fact
I changed the landscape of a scene from the other side of the map
You made your big impression like Hollohan
Another white dude on SMACK
Whose last battle was so cringe, it made me unsubscribe from the app!
He’s just recycling concepts, he doesn’t try to adapt
If I could summarize how you rap? Lullaby and a nap
Stuck up twice in his abs, put another knife in his back
You’ll think it’s love at first sight from all the butterflies that you catch!
He raps like he’s convinced that he’s the One on some Neo shit
But in real life, he’s a bitch who struggles with making eye contact and meeting chicks
On stage, he talks about how he’s dodging bullets and squeezing grips
Then he turns right back to Mr. Anderson soon as he sees a Smith!
If I even reach for it, you’d have a panic attack
Your face would start changing colors…and you can get canceled for that
You are a battle rap Weird Al Yankovic track!
‘Leave the Door Open’! I’m smokin’ on that Anderson pack (Anderson.Paak)!

[Round 2: Anderson Burrus]
You only stayed in your daughter’s life so you can flirt with her friends
He’s like, “I can’t believe you're 18. I’m pretty sure you’re a 10.”
He used to give her friends a ride to school whenever they missed the bus
Now they’re old enough to drive, but he still tries to pick them up
Say, Pete, I hear you like ‘em young
You brought a teenager to World Dom 1
Arcane said that you liked young girls, and that was fifteen years ago
Which makes me wonder, how young were these girls fifteen years ago?
He’s just the type of guy who thinks that girls look cute in braces
On Pornhub searching “Man walks in on students naked”
It’s just the truth, let’s face it
Y’all seen the girls this dude has dated!
He’s Mr. Two Times Everything…and that includes their ages!
I’m not sayin’ he’s a Peter-phile
Bro is just a creep
He doesn’t roofie girls, but that’s ‘cause they’re not old enough to drink
You say you fathered this whole scene and that’s why these people love you
But you’re not battle rap’s dad - you’re more like the creepy uncle
But hey, your son Charron is on Wild N’ Out
Now Frak’s a star, too
I’m blowin’ up on social media, Illmac’s makin’ cartoons
We’re not the only ones who have been successful though
Pete’s making moves as well
He recently got his big break and battled…on URL!
Yeah!
He was textin’ Beasley like
“My first round, I’m gonna talk about how I blazed the trail
My second round, I’m gonna talk about Facebook jail
My third round, I got some gun sounds that rhyme!”
Beasley texts him back like, “Actually, one round is fine.”
You’re not cut out for URL, Pete!
Why is that a shock!?
You have no stage presence, no rhythm
All you do is rhyme a lot!
When Illmac was Mustard, shoutin’ out Butter inside the box
They should’ve had you rap as Mayonnaise, ‘cause only white people find you hot!
But you’re on URL-
(It is a little spicy)
But you’re up on URL talkin’ about the burner that you carry
“I make magic with the stick like, ‘You’re a wizard, Harry.’
Draco by my hip, so for sure it’s gettin’ scary.”
He’s no longer The Saurus - now he’s Urban Dictionary!
But you’re-

[The Saurus]
Fire! That was fire

[Anderson Burrus]
But I’m cool with all the staff, I can go talk to Smack
You’re not banned from URL, they just don’t want you back
No one over 30 likes you, you are washed up and trash!
Your entire Black fanbase is Marv Won and Pass!
Your ego’s out of whack! You been actin’ delusional
But you got to see how most fans are actually viewin’ you
Smack wasn’t there, it was a one-rounder, you were average as usual
That wasn’t your URL debut, Pete…that was a Crucible
And you-

Y’all don’t know URL that well. That was good for a URL crowd

[The Saurus]
Yeah, it was

[Anderson Burrus]
And you did commentary the next day
You got demoted to blogger
But you came there, dressed up like you were hosting the Oscars
Sweating bullets next to Nunu, acting totally awkward
Like, “Wow, Nunu, you’re lookin’ sexy! How old is your daughter?”
Bro, you don’t even get paid to battle! Why is it worth the stress?
The league just covers your travel like a Euro step
You date college girls, Pete! We’re in different arenas
‘Cause I’m always going for a 30, that’s the difference between us
Go ahead and rap

[Round 3: The Saurus]
I don’t know…
That whole round was super corny to me
My girlfriend’s 43 - that’s fuckin’ older than me
(*chuckles*) I don’t get it
Uh, it was hard for me to write for this battle
I almost didn’t even plan
Lost another friend, felt like life wasn’t givin’ me a chance
Depression causing doubts the way only your inner demons can
Then I hear Pat’s voice whisper, “Ever consider being a man?“
Now when he left us, I didn’t know where my perspective was at
And I didn’t realize that the time how much my love for this shit was directly connected to Pat
The best in the craft
Who set the highest standard and he held us to that
That’s why you’ve seen me putting all the extra effort I have!
That’s why you’ve seen me give everything left that I can…
(Oh my God…)
Not even just as a rapper, but as a friend, as a man…
As a dad…
(Oh, fuck, man…that’s, like, my worst…)
Not just in my battles, but as a friend, as a dad…
And that’s all thanks directly… to the cat… whose name is embedded in that shit
The legendary status that you could never establish!
This cat’s just talking out the side of his neck, it’s throat cancer
I’ve been here since before Iverson and he still got no answer
The reason the scene’s so watered down ‘cause we hold rappers to low standards
But even if A train (A-Train) with The Boys, he got no chance against Homelander!
Anderson’s never been in my class!
I’m the first pick of the draft
You a guest, I’m at your neck like a visitor’s pass
This should be considered the last 15 minutes he has
Before he’s finished quick as the Flash in a 50-yard dash!
I won’t ever think of you as an actual hip-hop fan
Just a ripoff scam of Chedda Cheese and Frak
Your shit’s off-brand
Yo, but he’s the “Promo GOAT?” This y’all’s man!?
The grown adult whose life would end over a TikTok ban!?
I’m sayin’…
Goddamn, I apologize, man

[Round 3: Anderson Burrus]
If you follow Pete on social media, you know he’s mentally disturbed
Every day, he gets on Twitter to see what bridges he can burn
Pretentious little worm, just throwin’ in these labels
Bro, you make Mike P seem emotionally stable
As soon as his plane touches down, he’ll feel the sudden urge to type
“@DeltaAirlines Well, that wasn’t a perfect flight!
There was turbulence in the sky! You’re scum and deserve to die!”
He’s on the phone all day making customer service cry
He argues at the poker table, banging his fists
He argues with the dealer as they’re taking the chips
He argues with his landlord about raising the rent
He believes it should be lower, like the age of consent!
Such a sad, lonely life, acting like you’re prone to strife
We’ve never seen you throw a right
At least Tay Roc almost fights
You just stay at home and type
In person, you’re a lightweight
Community guidelines is the only thing you’ll violate
A choke artist! Your mind begins to stall
All those lines you can’t recall!
All those Facebook bans! You can’t even see the writing on the wall!
Bro, you ain’t got no style
I dare you to go wild
I can’t get you un-banned from Facebook, but I can change your whole profile
Bro, your hatred for conservatives is alarming and obsessive
I mean, I lean left on most things
Even my car insurance is Progressive
But if you mess up once, you’re done
Woo! The Saurus has you branded
It’s funny how Mr. Two Times doesn’t believe in second chances
But you’re front row at the UFC sitting on the floor again
You say Dana’s a white supremacist, but you can’t stop supporting him
It’s not the fact that you’re a hypocrite, it’s the fact you do it righteously
You’ll write “Elon is a racist” on Twitter, and you don’t see the irony!
Bro, you hate Trump more than anyone, and he is a vile human
But man, if you weren’t too fat to climb a roof, you would’ve probably tried to shoot him
It’s clear-

[The Saurus]
Wouldn’t have missed
Definitely wouldn’t have missed!

[Anderson Burrus]
He’s getting banned again, good Lord

[The Saurus]
Good luck

[Anderson Burrus]
-you would’ve probably tried to shoot him
It’s clear your mind’s polluted
I’m just trying to give you help
I think the reason that you hate Trump is ‘cause he reminds you of yourself
Both you and Trump are older men who like your women young
You’re both fat and out of shape, so you’re both unfit to run
You did Asian jokes vers’ Dumbfoundead
Trump loves misleading stats
So both of you have lied about people eating cats!
Trump lost his reelection, you got killed in big leagues
You both haven’t had a victory since 2016
You both love talking over people
You both have toxic fans
And I can’t prove this, but we’ve never seen Trump actually wash his hands
Both you and Trump are hypocrites in desperate need of therapy
You both got banned from Twitter and that hurts your popularity
You both are aging terribly!
I’m just trying to give you clarity!
How can you name yourself “The Saurus” and you can’t see the similarities!?
It’s EMBARRASSING!
He needs to put the phone down
Date someone the same age as him
Take a break from battle rap, and come back as a main event
He still has what it takes to win
I’ll start a new campaign for him
So one day he can rally and we can make The Saurus great again!
Thank y’all, man!