[Round 1: Carter Deems]
Real rap
I just realized I should've worn a different shirt
Cause I caught a whiff of something weird and I remembered that the Febreze didn't work
I'm not into jerks, but I am into integers
Carter doing numbers standing next to the presidents like Henry Kissinger
GZ, I'll take the chain like at Golden Pond after I son this dude like a golden pond
My neck is what I rest that chain of gold upon
My flow is on, you go hard I go Han, Going Overboard like Goldie Hawn
I'm making friends and it Feels Good like a Tony Toni Tone song
My armpits smell like Cheese and that's why I could never go to prom
Besides I had better things to do with my time, shouts out to Pokemon
A coaster from Pier 1 Imports, that's what I put my soda on
He's overdrawn, one punch you know he gone
Don't he have to rhyme hard? I hit him with a light bar, that's Obi Wan
You said you like to eat pickles more than I do, well you know he wrong
Pickle bars, pickle jars, pickle juice is what I'm floating on
I've eaten so many different types of delicious pickles it feels like my throat is gone
For real, I got so many deals they call me Young Toyota-thon
I make delicious English muffin pizzas, that's an easy five steps
My life is great, from the couch to the microwave that's an easy five steps
Battle rap bad boy, I don't care if you believe the hype yet
So ahead of my time I watch TGIF in 3D hi-def
My crazy flow is a laser show, I bring the hi-tech
Your gun lines are over our heads, you bring the high Tecs
You don't think I can flex you haven't seen Deemsy's thighs yet
My muscles come out of nowhere like green screen biceps
Trouble? That's something I haven't been in since I got caught burning incense
They pay me in Capri Suns they pay you in cents
You got a gun you can send those rounds to my door like Thin Mints
You carry the heat but run in the streets will only bring you pain like shin splints
I walk around with two nickles in my pockets, that's ten cents
In '96 I turned 11 years old I haven't been 10 since
To Kill A Mockingbird left an imprint, my intent is to put love and joy in Dent
We can share a laugh, it's like I'm writing a paragraph the way I'm going to end Dent (indent)
[Round 2: Carter Deems]
You can show up with a Calicoe and start blasting bro and it doesn't matter my cat's bigger
Cute face you run the place no need for a cat sitter
Here's the scoop we stay fresh, no need for cat litter
Eat a Fancy Feast throw it on your front yard that's how my cat litter
I know you like dogs more than cats and he probably even own's pets
But you look exactly like the type of guy that puts sweaters on pets
Your dog is fine as long as he gets out of the heat and his nose wet
Slow it down, your dogs so fine I get out with that heat, no sweat
I'm nervous still, he'll call his dawgs to get in my face and start barking
Slow it down, nerves of steel, it's your call if you and your dawgs wanna face the bar king
No hands, the steel will cook 'em when I pull out the toaster
Slow it down, no hands, still I'm cooking I just let my toes stir
If you run for us we get it popping I'm not talking bubble gum
Slow it down, no, I've already done three in a row I don't want to do another one
Look, you think you got the iller flow, everything you spit is unoriginal, you're just a copy cat
I'll take some calicos into Kinkos and try to copy cats
I went to Petco last week to cop a cat cause I'm filming a crime drama called Paw & Order; the cop's a cat
You say you stacking chips and you got bucks but everything you spit is counterfeit
I'm remodeling my kitchen and I need to make sure that the counter's fit
I make my girlfriend cry so much I can't even count her fits
If it's beef you wanna fill then we can cow turf it
Bars
Carter stay cooking those hot rounds like a microwave
Your mom has a small perm, that's a micro wave
I'll do a dirty job then say "goodbye" that's a micro wave
One wing in the air going back and forth that's how my crow wave
You say you got those hot rounds, but no delivery that's Digiornos
When I talk to girls my nostrils bleed, does your nose?
Last week I told my parents that I'm a battle rapper, does your know?
Tonight at dinner the waiter asked me if I wanted the soup du jour; no
The woman married to your uncle, that's ya auntie
In the mid 2000's my favorite singer; that's Ashanti
100% real, even my abs are hip hop; that's Sean T
Corey Matthews wearing his best friends shirt, that's a Shawn tee
[Round 3: Carter Deems]
I'll pull up in a 1984 microwave with the door tinted
Inside the same color as marshmallows cause I like to cook s'mores in it
Man of the people I represent I should run for senate
If I do this he'll choke in every round I use the Force in it
On Friday night you can catch me on iTunes listening to Coldplay samples
You see defeat (da feet) year round even on a cold day; sandals
You can catch me on that block with that rock I'm okay with the handles
In the kitchen whipping that pot, I make home made candles
I pull up in a Maserati same color as Paul Giamatti
On the ground next to my car that's where my top be, going at top speed, you will never stop me
Cause I hop in my car and floor it like some top part of some broccoli
Yeah, I'm so wild I walk into the woods an hour I'll come back with a fox
Then we'll hop in my car and eat some french fries from Jack N The Box
The cat mayor, so when I spit every citizen of Cat City watch
Plus I own a cereal box same color as Cassidy's watch
Money really does grow on trees, come out to my farm and see
Money on everything even my wall's green like my favorite pharmacy
I'm a farmer see, making a come back like Harper Lee, a member of the hardest team
All my friends are animals like Arthur Reed
Yeah, I love to recycle like when Arthur helped out to clean the park and river
I can recycle an entire round and still get the W like Arthur's sister
This entire round I've been farting mister
But for real, forget about this battle I've had enough of rapping
We should just hang out and play video games but I must warn you I suck at Madden
We could hang out once or we could kick it twice like Double Dragon
But when it comes to this battle it's like I'm doing a math problem on an airplane, I'm up and add 'em
Bars, that's bars