[Round 1: Real Deal + Illipsis]
YO! Y'all hear me?
So this is Gastown, but this is Nat's town
So let the clap sounds be yo' biodiesel
They said little man talks a big game...then it's time I kill him
You gon' die with that chip to prove that you lyin', Cecil
Hold on...Cecil the Lion, the big-game hunter...
Fuck it! This my first time in Vancity!
But, to me, it feels like some kind of sequel
'Cause it's my second time on King of the Dot, battling someone awkward
You must be one of Brian peoples!
Since you home, you better hope the crowd'll rise, 'cause, talent-wise, you beat
I give a fuck, check the record: you get ripped on sight like album piracy
Fuck what Nat here thought!
You an afterthought, you a travel guide to me
And my passport got more ink than a Maori tribal chief!
Stop it, Natalie!
You went viral dissing God
Well, meet the God in the battle scene
I was baptized in the waters of Galilee
Blessed with the pen, but OH YEAH, I can come off the top with the savagery!
These punches? Boy, you better learn weaving, and I ain't talking 'bout tapestry
The way you write? I don't know...a lot of misses
Feels like you watching a pageantry!
Your chance to win? Slim to none
And the way I am, slim just hopped off the balcony!
You look like a pothead who's known to roll with fruits, like Johnny Appleseed!
So when you say your squad is after me, dawg, it baffles me
You look like your whole crew has heart murmurs and pollen allergies!
I bet growing up, you was one of them soft-ass kids who would pass out at the sight of blood
He pops off online, but he don't say shit when you come around to size him up
You like, what, 5'5", 150? So, yeah, I'm down to try my luck
You built like you're V.I.P...in the Dallas Buyers Club!
Keep on truckin', this where the buck stops
You'll leave with blood in your grill like you struck a deer
They flew me to put a G in front of Nat, so, yeah, I'm bugging here!
Some of the shit you say is cool, Illipsis, but your delivery is dumpster-tier!
And you look like you still try to convince people Marilyn Manson was Paul from The Wonder Years!
GOD, you are FUCKING WEIRD!
I said, once I T off, I go for the Eagle like my next step's the putter
Magazines coming, I suggest jet for cover
I hope your plans consist of hospital stays and bed rest this summer
'Cause you finna die...from 40 shots like Led Zeppelin's drummer!
So, you're a fan of comics and Hal Jordan?
Facts!
Facts? I don't know if you'll be after today
2012, Series Earth 2, issue 2, read it...Green Lantern's gay
That's, like, deadass serious!
[Round 1: Illipsis + Real Deal]
I said I ain't been in Van' since me and Farrell had a classic, with his best prepared
I had a spring break after, I had a stress leave there
But now, it's back to class, and I don't think this test seems fair
Cause I was E's equal...and shit, y'all gave me MC Square!
It doesn't add up
He's stretched thin while convinced he on his grind
He's just divided by himself 'cause he still thinks he's in his prime
Time this battle was announced, fans had some riotous views
Had a few holding me down, and a bunch riding with you
Fucking philistines whose stances were one-sided with dude
But now?
Shit, even your fam can wind up tied in the room: that's an unbias review!
Let's go! Who's cooking now!? Who's the Chef!?
Let's get it! Okay! Okay! Talk that SHIT, bro!
I said, I'll snatch the blood tie that I'm due
I'll smack this dork for the fuck of it
With this kid, teacher's got a ruler on his hand: that's corporal punishment
You pat heads on field trips, 'til you're sent down with 'em
I snatch a skull as a trophy, in the West out killing
While you fret 'bout children, man, I X out victims
Him and me? Different breeds! I said the head count different!
So catch me auditing your class, expect your craft to be assessed
Off his top, noggin chop: I'll drop your apple on the desk!
'Cause you can peep the Gram
You questioning who actually the Chef
If Deal's cooking out in Van, shit, it'd have to be some meth!
Listen, Heisenberg Raw! Stick to being in a lab!
I'll tell your school board you're a goof to make the PTA mad
I'm taking Trevor out the game like a GTA patch
Tell him I'M danger: I make a teacher break bad!
So if it's war you want, let's get forty blocks cordoned off
A kaiju beside you
Of course I box unorthodox
Code was Tomb Raider: this bitch looking sort of lost
Translation: I'll break in your temple with a bow like Lara Croft!
For the spot, get marked out
I'm using treasure looting as a blueprint
Cause you're washed up for sure and this path get him left in ruins!
On a related note, my chick thicc with two C's
On the other hand, your chick thick like "Who's he?"
Y'all look like twin cellies
I don't think that it's healthy
Your son looks like Madflex: what's that shit tell me?
You've been dodging that battle
Since he can't raise the bar, this bitch just duck facing Flex: that's a gym selfie
This should have been his bag, now it's CSI's case
But I've had Chilla in my sight, so Flex can see it my way
The new blood, have both bleeding out beneath the crime tape
Go on a run, then swap bodies like Freaky Friday!
But run it back!
It's a murder, I'm just drawing blood for a hobby
This is where I draw the line
Let's just chalk it up to a body!
Froggy, amazing how far this tadpole swum
You're a vacuum of talent, but went to Glasgow, huh?
Rest in peace, Chris Cornell
My way will have yours done
Since Soul already outshined you, I'll leave this black hole sonned!
I watch a red dwarf struggle to avoid the eclipse
And all I see's a motherfucker falling off: that's a Freudian slip!
Nah! What I meant to have said is he been overrated
But in the contract, it said to keep it close, debated
They put up a little bit of bread for me to post the bail with
And I'm sending Deal back shredded: I'm re-negotiating!
I'll wave a black flag
Punk ain't die with Sid Vicious
Send Real back in a bag, tell his family to deal with it!
It's Illipsis, Vancity King Killer, I'm in business
You shit-talk, I TALK THAT SHIT!
It's a big difference
Let's go!
[Round 2: Real Deal + Illipsis]
Yo...we got a battle!
It's Dot Mobb, pussy! We 'bout handling business
I don't do code names, we call out yo' name, like "Illipsis!"
That means soon as I get the word out, he knows what that means...that's an ellipsis
Or I let him start talking, and three Dots cut you off before you finish...that's an ellipsis
But I say, yo, dig this
If this comes across innuendo (in ya window) like cat burglars
But when I clap SIGs, Nat's wig gets back-burner'd
That means "pushed back"
Look, scrap - you a small fry on the side wit' Asperger's
Talk that spectrum shit
I said, yo...
Mob mentality before the flight
Boardin', raise that bitch, that .40 whack him - the act's murder
Y'all seem dizzy
I mean "Lizzie"
I'll even slow it down for my fast learners
Lizzie Borden, so I'm boardin'
They raise that bitch
She killed her parents with 40 whacks - the axe murder!?
WOO!
That (w)rap is gold like it packs Werther's!
Off the chains like Nat Turner!
You didn't know I's (eyes) different like Max Scherzer
Plus...doesn't he pitch for the Nats?
And we ain't even in the same ballpark
You battle for free, I'm a max-earner!
Plus...didn't you go viral off battling your ace, some dude Max?
I refuse to carry on with this rap further!
I said, you string shit together, but you act like you bodyin' people
The way you frame it is so drawn-out, I shoulda brought you an easel
You went viral, so you peaked
Not me - my ceiling higher than a Gothic cathedral
And I'm just stuntin' like my daddy like I'm Robbie Knievel
(Fuck- yeah, that's fire)
So fuck what you think you know
You don't know shit about me
I'm everywhere
I even got the spare to your bitch's house keys
I grew up around cold-blooded killers
Apeshit, only gorillas 'round me
Dude'll get scooped up in a whip wit' White Russians like The Big Lebowski!
I hope you ate your Wheaties, and I pray your recovery may be speedy
These goons, they treat mags like flags
You dig me, homie? We wave 'em freely
Dirty Deeds, Done Dirt Cheap, like AC/DC!
DON behind the drums!
You see The Eagles!? Take It Easy!
I said, your girlfriend eyed me up and then she grabbed my pole
She said, "This a one-time thing", topped me off, and almost snatched my soul
I said, "Call me the minute your pussy boyfriend flatlines cold
And I'll be there to crash the funeral like Chazz Reinhold!"
Now you might blame it on the fact that she gets loose off Patron
But she went down on me in a theater, and I thought that You Oughta Know
That's a Jagged Little Pill right there
Let's go
That's Round 2
Let's get it
[Round 2: Illipsis + Real Deal]
I said, it's Dot-Dot-Dot Mobb, pussy!
I said, my first URL opponent
Y'all need to cut the cameras off
Willie, Sparka, I love you cats, but, God, I need the drugs you man are on!
'Cause I said "URL opponent", thinking Rum or Ave or Top
If this who won the casting call, y'all didn't understand AT ALL!
He thinks he's moving up on SMACK, and that's the fucking saddest thought
I mean we saw him on Ascension, which is somewhat backwards, dawg
Cause B-Magic, to fucking Reaper
Next, he's running at the Vault
And Smack saw he was a teacher, and gave him Summer Madness off!
He got his summer cash withdrawn, just to get served by Verb
Now, nobody else will school you: homie, that's a learning curve
I said there's hunger and there's thirst, and you exemplify that
He's giving head in the back if it'll get him on SMACK
Like "Gee whiz, guys! Thanks so much for letting me rap!"
You want to fight?
Probably right...you're used to begging for scraps!
You're a bitch-made bum, I give the baby what he asks
I'm saying, dawg (dog), I'll split your noodle like Lady and the Tramp!
Trash plates on URL
Fuck the filler you've been trying, fam'
Always something common in the middle of your rounds: Venn diagram!
Like, oh, word? Now he got a gun of his own?
Yeah, homie got a .9...on a scale of 1 to Charron!
'Cause you were trash back then, but now your substance has grown
To an implausibly old Young Republicans clone
Saying weird shit like:
"Crackers can't shoot? Well, I'm a way sharper marksman
White boy, pull up with forty K's: I put the AR in LARPin'"
What the fuck?!
That's the corny tip you're on!
Don't act like I had switched your words
When you said, verbatim, "I'll pull Magic card like a science fiction nerd"
And my Magic heads know it's rotten, his mold of reference trash
The cage show him what a mill' do: I'll fucking deck him for that!
What I land'll plain swamp him, jaws running may get tapped
Your style's amounting to forced punches just so something basic lands!
Man, I'm making major moves that'll manna-trickle
Blackened crystals, and I traffic in satanic sigils
Chantin' incantations over shadowed symbols
Satyr standin' vigil while the sacrificial lamb gets sickled
Yeah, my gang official, bangin' when we grab the pistol
All you hear is, "Magic missile! Magic missile!"
So he's nerdy on SMACK, but here, you're on some bully shit?
He says he's got a gun for real, but Real ain't got the bullet in
'Cause on King of the Dot, he'll put potatoes on the barrel
Bitch, you're Irish and you're broke, so, man, they know you wouldn't spare those!
And he'll tell you how he's trapping, talk like you're the future
The new Deal's got a bird in every pot: that's Herbert Hoover!
Man this con artist's spine comprised of a soft cartilage
Lines full of stock parlor tricks, hot garbage, it's raw artifice
You politicking
Bitch, I'm Guy Fawkes trying to bomb Parliament
Seeing what he write left it obvious
He play to both sides like a non-partisan!
You transparent!
He's in the zone!
See through the charlatan's plans
Like most deals, your presentation's just a targeted scam designed to market a brand
If that's the yarn that's at hand, then, homie, keep going
You can pull the wool over their eyes
Just know it's only over mine 'cause I'm a wolf in sheep's clothing!
Now the flock are out the gates!

[Round 3: Real Deal]
WOO!
Yo...
Damn!
Y'all think he's talkin' to me
What's big (B.I.G) is I'm the teacher tellin' you you'll never amount to shit
I'm talkin' Juicy
Son tryna show old man he gots what it takes like the plot of Rudy
Problem is, you're in this division
So you're fucked and can't move like every woman Cosby roofied
Now you tryna eat off lines? This ain't chocolate, Lucy
This Canadian'll flake for the Bills and end up boxed like Flutie
Play wit' paper? We are not the Newsies
Cash Money, we grew up knockin' Juvie
While half the neighborhood was knocked in juvie!
So please, Lord, tell him "Detour" or get Steve Moore'd
I got a squad of goonies that'll put your career on ice like TODD BERTUZZI!
(That was for y'all! What the fuck is good!?)
I said, but let me teach this bum a lesson
I can sum this up in seconds
I can't stomach when you rap, I end up with indigestion
I'm consistent, so every company that fucks with me can double their investments
It's always someone without a past or a future that gets hung up on the present
Back when you and your buddies used to circle-jerk to Grind Time as strugglin' little freshmen
I was practicin' my rounds on someone else's dime at a Comfort Inn or Westin!
When you were comin' up, I was comin' up on Legend!
When you were runnin' to class usin' your book bag as a fanny pack to cover your erection!
Disrespect...skater's grind
I laid the groundwork, and I paved the way to make your prime
I don't have the Hall of Fame in mind
God status, I keep it lit, so make a shrine
Throwaways and setup bars - they end up your favorite rapper's favorite lines
I never bitch 'bout playing time
My frame of mind's "Get in the game and shine!"
You see how I lay these lines?
They dig these gems, like gold inside of ancient mines
No jokin'!
Octomom: one more kid, and I'mma have to raise the .9!
Bring your buds!
Your roster (Rasta) get smoked like Jamaican kind!
When I (eye) pop out a Big Van, it ain't Vader time!
(Talk that WWE shit!)
(That's WWF shit!)
Poor thing
You were looked at by everybody at Lord Byng as pathetic, lonely, and scrawny
Disappointed his father
Just annoying and awkward
Not an athletic bone in his body
He was late for puberty
Most likely to stage a shooting spree
And women detested the sight of you!
Your voice was out there crackin'...like the parties that you were never invited to
That's hard
You were-
(Nice!)
Right?
You were covered in zits
Even your smile's ugly as shit 'cause your teeth need work and realigned
Bitch, you shoulda killed yourself during high school
I just gave you 13 Reasons Why!

Fuck is out here rappin' with him though!?
WHAT THE FUCK is really goin' on right now!?
Y'all think I came out to fuck around wit' this boy!?
Count 'em- that's 13, too
Count 'em up
Let's go
Get in that bag
That's right
Get in that fuckin' bag!

[Round 3: Illipsis + Real Deal]
Back to him bein’ a gimmick, though
You deadass rapped to your students
Shit’s amazingly pathetic
The shit was like in Dangerous Minds...if the mind in question wasn’t dangerous or developed
Like, no way
He’s- he’s just gonna...okay
Shit, if you were promised compensation, man, I hope they don’t pay
But it related to your battles in kind of a dope way
The kids like, “Mr. Weller’s rapping...smoke break!”
And even cringier is the lengths that he’ll go to justify it
Like “The kids just need somebody there who knows the struggle like them.
A- A cool teacher who’s down, but down to take the road to guide them."
Trevor, you're not from the Projects: ho, you just assign them
But you reach out to kids through rap
Man, that does seem dope...for a motherfuckin' BuzzFeed post!
But fuck these jokes!
You're extra delicate, my dude
Heard you're a gym teacher, right? Yeah, that's definitely true
'Cause that's the only teaching job requiring no intelligence to do
And that would probably explain why you constantly look bummy
Hobo beard, stained sweats
Shit, honestly, it's funny
Is he tryna see some push-ups? Vagabond in need of money?
Damn, either way, I prolly gotta drop and give him 20
So hats off to this bum's grind
Change is not in the question
You are washed-up trash: fuckin' flotsam and jetsam
Trevor Weller, you're the last and worst in your class like Eddie Vedder
Bitch, even Brendan said you're zestier than lemon seltzer
If he talkin', I see or hear nothin', bitch: Helen Keller
'Cause Magic had him...on stage sayin' nothin' wit' the Pen(n): it's Teller!
Default lines got him shook to his core: epicentre
I will roll up on your girl, tap her grill: fender-bender
Have her chokin' on the nut, I wouldn't EpiPen her
She chin-up, gettin' sweet wit' the neck: PEZ dispenser!
You a vet - whatever!
Bitch, you lucky if you get remembered next November
Soul outweighed you, like he was gettin' measured 'gainst a feather
How the fuck he talkin' he stoppin' the next contender!?
I'm at home on a throne of the bones of your predecessors!
Yeeeeah-ha-ha! Get that bag!
Say, you get ignorant in battles, always dumbin' down the topics
Motherfucka sound obnoxious when he run around his logic
I worked sales, we used to take a hit so some accounts would profit
Translation: I give a fuck if Deal's comin' outta pocket
But that race round against Illmac, major embarrassment
Racist, disparaging
Claimed that he should be ashamed of his heritage as a Native American?
Word!?
That type of talk will get you powwow drum-beaten, man
Long-housed, slow-smoked over cut cedar strands
You're an interloper, wandering through unceded lands
Of the Kwantlen, Tsawwassen, and Musqueam bands!
And he knows that he's slippin'!
See him try to slow his convictions
Like "Oh, colonialism. No, my condolences, pimpin'."
I said, you made their suffering an angle and a joke of the victims
So I propose that we switch it, invert the roles he was given
It's high time I find a cowboy gettin' thrown to the Injuns!
You had the gall to use that angle
Funny, face it, you been counterfeit
Smallpox blankets: you made your bed, now you're...itchin' to get out of it!
You dead weight - a stringed strain will give way to this shit stain
Red neck, blue collar - get left in a swing state!
(Let it marinate!)
I said, he'll branch out from his bigotry, and now there's strange fruit in bloom
I'm a serial killer - that's old news, Real (newsreel), or fake news to you
But using rap for racist angles? And he's really teaching kids?
Then condescend through rap like it's a cheesy little skit?
You ducked deserving opponents that you fleed from like a bitch
While you swiped whatever style you can steal to make it fit
You getting paid for mediocrity, the fee might need to dip
You spent a decade milking something that ain't needed you a bit
This is all you fucking have without the decency to quit
You're not a Real Deal, Trevor – you're just a real piece of shit