[Round 1: Sweeney]
I said, whatâs up, legend?
Two GZs in ten years - WOO!
I got mad respect for you, son
And that first one with Flag was so expertly done
I mean, really second-to-none
Well, since then, he opened Decade, he battled The SaurusâŠyeah, that musta stung
âCause you got booked on The Wave 3 to face me
Hey, forget what they say, Steve - I think you definitely won
Shit, another irrelevant bum
See, my first GZ was vĐ”rsâ Gravity and a clean kill
I ainât even gĐ”t blood on my T-shirt
Itâs funny at an event called Below Zero, some guy from Kansas City got put up in a freezer
But ainât you the King of the Midwest?
HehâŠpussy, I donât fuck witâ you neither!
âCause I still smoked Gravity - BONG! - and now I gotta pull up on the leader (liter)
And you from Chicago - bro, whatâs up witâ your pizza?
That shitâs a fuckinâ travesty, Steve
Lookinâ like someone baked a kiddie pool after they packed it witâ yeast
I mean, yâall sit down and eat that shit and leave actually, please?
Walkinâ in the restaurant like, âYeah, Iâll take the fuckinâ mattress with cheese.â
Bro, go back to your league, No Coast
Wear an IPA and a plaid shirt, and you could make it happen
But how you runninâ the show?
Bro, they treatinâ Human like the main attraction
So save the yappinâ
âCause I ainât tryna act impartial, so we gotta take it back to Marvel
âCause you donât need to be a mind-reader to know X comes after Charles
But Iâm gifted
For real, you wouldnât know the life, Steve
My vacation home is where people travel the globe to sight-see
And next week, Iâm out in Patagonia, sippinâ Coronas, nice breeze
âCause I always kept it a buck like Arizona iced tea!
You shoulda never tried me
âCause yâall all doinâ knife bars, and thatâs great
âCause now Iâm the only shooter left
Shit twice as fast
I got a stupid rep like I was doinâ super sets
I could put one in his nose and one in his throat
Yeah, a couple goinâ through his chest
Iâll clear this whole shit out if you think that itâs amusinâ, X (Mucinex)
So I hope you do your best
âCause this was supposed to happen last month, but I had trouble findinâ my passport
But I appreciate you for being cool about it and not being a bad sport
But you wanted iBattleâs most popular Kevin
AndâŠwell, they wanted the one with the peacoat and the hat more
So when you sat in Toronto and I ainât walk through the damn door
Pussy, you got what you asked for!
[Round 1: XQZ]
When your girl says sheâs duckinâ you, sheâs scared you might stalk her to death
When your girl says sheâs duckinâ meâŠwell, thatâs just autocorrect
When I say youâre duckinâ me, itâs âcause you know that Iâm an obvious threat
When you say youâre duckinâ me, itâs âcause you donât know where your travel documents went
What the hell!?
How the hell do you lose a passport?
Youâre a chef
Your apartment canât be that big - itâs either that drawer or that drawer
I said, are you that stupid?
Way to go, dingus! Now the planâs ruined
Prolly just left it sittinâ on the floor while he was vacuuminâ
I say, you donât plan ahead like an adult?
Man, what the fuck is this man doinâ?
Couldnât leave your house like âPhone, wallets, keys, passportâ
Youâre a trash Human!
We were supposed to do this last month on The Wave, so this is Take 2
And Lexx said theyâre uploading this to the KOTD main page, too
So we owe âem a thank-you
And I appreciate that the staff came through
But just know, if I choke at all tonight, itâs just âcause Iâm tryinâ to fuck up your debut
So whatâs up, Sweeney?
So an extra month to write?
You think thatâs really gonna change shit?
Like Iâmma rewrite for your boring ass?
You still gettinâ all this fuckinâ Wave shit
I said, whatâs up, Toronto?
Yâall âbout to feel like Joe Carterâs back to shake the dome
With three verses more perfectly written than this final act of Game of Thrones
I got a feeling Kawhi Leonardâs âbout to go off this series
Fuckinâ Raptor Nation, though
Gully, heard you got a baby on the way
Thatâs amazing! Congratulations, bro
I said, Sweeney, even if you no-showed tonight, and this got rescheduled to iBattle next month, I probably still wouldnât feel prepared
I mean, the love I got on The Wave last year had me feelinâ like a millionaire
Itâs like I climbed to the top of that GZ mountain
So, actually, this is really fair
I mean, thatâs how it goes
You see Flag at the peak and then itâs all downhill from there
I said, I had one of the best debuts in a league that youâre not Top 10 in
I was finna dog-walk, Georges Laraque-John Scott Kevin
This a Rollie, not a stopwatch
Was nonstop preppinâ
To turn up and cook longer than your Crock-Pot settings!
Iâm just warminâ up!
You thinkinâ 3-0? Iâm thinking three 0âs on the next deposit
Feelinâ like I just left the dentistâs office, Iâm lookinâ extra polished
Soon as he spits those 90s cartoon bars and gets nostalgic
Then Iâm slidinâ through The Wave with the auto (Otto) like Reggie Rocket!
Big plates cominâ soon
We got the appetizers covered
And that old bitch kickinâ like a Jazzercise instructor
Sweeney wanna test me? I need your answer by the buzzer
Blue steel, red splatters: guess he passed with flying colors!
So donât worry about how long Iâve been rappinâ, or if the styleâs a little old-fashioned
âCause these bitches still donât know how to get rid of me, like Closed Caption
Round 1
[Round 2: Sweeney]
Since weâre still in Canada
[XQZ]
We are
[Sweeney]
Iâm actually the king of Canadian slang
Donât believe me? Well, just wait and see
In fact, getting offered this match made me cheesed like those baby memes
I really hate you, Steve
I mean, this guyâs whole swag screams âRhymeZone tabsâ
And I ainât hatinâ or nothinâ
But if we talkinâ biggest nerds in battling, bro, you gotta make the discussion
And I ainât tryna take this too far, so yâall can say if Iâm bugginâ
But bro, you such a nerd, in Danny Myersâ universe, you gotta be famous for somethinâ
I mean, the biggest lame in the function!
If yâall are battlinâ for 10 years and got nothinâ out of it
You guys should just say âFuck itâ and go
âCause this guyâs been battlinâ since Cassidy was 100-0
And fuck it, I know that doinâ Roman numeral flips on your name is a boring lame trend
But when you think about the situation, X, it just sorta made sense
So Iâll tie a rope around his neck, Iâll tell the boy to say when
And the shit is perfect, âcause this isnât surfinâ
But they booked us on The Wave just so I could hang 10!
Fuck you and your lame friends!
Got him thinkinâ that heâs the man when he isnât
Bro, you better get lost or get tossed like one of the pots and pans in my kitchen
Shit, if you get shot, and I, get caught?
Well, then, fuck it, Iâm in the can with the Biscuit
Professor ballinâ witâ inmates: yeah, Iâd bring the handle to prison!
But I can do it all, X
Iâm bringinâ more to the table than a smorgasbord
You came all the way to CanadaâŠand then Brooklyn, heh
Just to be a part of my tour de force
âCause one look, they knew my worth like Storage Wars
So talk shit, get hit, and then the floor is yours
See, you just leave âem bored
Thereâs no way that this isnât a beatinâ
Jim Carrey in Cable Guy, the way I will dish it to Steven!
Bro, you better believe it!
I told Lexx I was tryinâ to get out here on this last event
He got me out here lookinâ stupid as heck
âCause I told-
Told you! Told you I was gonna say that!
He got me out here lookinâ stupid as heck
See, I told him I needed to make a move for respect
And I ainât care who Iâd have to prove it against
He said, âI got you and XQZâ
I said, âMy man, I am confused and upsetâ
But Iâm a guy! Iâve been in relationships
I should know a Facebook message is never cool to accept when itâs gotta do witâ an X (ex)
Round 2, man
[Round 2: XQZ]
XQZ versus SweeneyâŠanother white, sarcastic mirror match
But actually, I heard Brooklynâs kinda hipstery these days, so yâall might actually be here for that
Another carbon copy off the clearance rack, known for pullinâ disappearing acts
Been actually so unknown, I donât understand how you keep your career intact
He said:
âThe only reason I donât get more views and these bigger leagues donât check me
Is âcause my job canât find out about my battle rapping, so I donât promote heavyâ
WhoaâŠ
And here I was thinkinâ we were grown menâŠyeesh
Your restaurant shouldnât control your life when youâre not behind the stove, Kevvy
Yellinâ from the kitchen to Lexx like, âI wanna battle rap, but they wonât let me!â
Tryinâ to sneak out the window like a grounded kid with a ladder made of old bedsheets
I mean, what?
You canât be a battle rapper and a chef? Really?
Yâall kill meâŠ
What, do you think the health inspectorâs gonna shut you down?
Like, âYeah, the kitchenâs clean, but your bars are filthyâ
One way or another, someone from the staff will find out
And maybe then, he wonât face the camera like âIâm not sure I should be rapping right nowâ
This guyâs exhausted, half his lifeâs been sacrificed now
And thanks to Megadef, when a customer orders tacos, he fuckinâ has to lie down!
Letâs rewind to when this-
Letâs unpack when this drunk bastard Sweenâ got punked at the scene
And now gets PTSD when he sees a Crunchwrap Supreme
After an event, Sweeney got wasted, started choppinâ it up
And naturally, the conversation shifted to how Sweeney could beat Hollow and Lux
And then Megadef came back with a bunch of tacos for everyone that he got from the truck
And then, for once, Sky League and Water League came together to watch you get punked
I said, Megadef shoved a taco in his face just to get him to shut his stupid mouthpiece
Lexx had to hire an abuse counselor just to do some outreach
While you were talkinâ shit to Prez Mafia and Drugz, trying to start some Proving Grounds beef
And the fact that Sweeneyâs a bitch is something Megadef could prove with ground beef
Every battle, you do some weird breakdown about how your opponentâs bad for the scene
But behind his back, half the rosterâs fuckinâ laughinâ at Sweenâ
Itâs like that show where those dudes obsess over their fantasy teams
âCause Kevin hates being associated with Taco by all the cats in The League
I said, so try that shit again? You get put in submission
Little kidsâ winter jacket: I got a couple hooks for the Mittens
Iâll run in that overpriced shithole, disrespectinâ all the cooks in the kitchen
Order a well-done steak, and while you cook it, Iâm dippinâ
Fuck your restuarant
[Round 3: Sweeney]
I got battle rapper problems
âCause when I donât try, Iâm really good
But if I did try, Iâm the GOAT probably
But you are really boring to write for
SoâŠI apologize if Iâm so sloppy
âCause I was playinâ video games instead of practicing
See, video games are my old hobby
But itâs funny - Iâm still out here fightinâ with nobodies
But you know what really makes me laugh?
(I was supposed to say Kingdom Hearts and not video games)
You know what really makes me laugh?
Every time you come up here to showcase your raps
You canât help but tell us how youâre a part of every dating app
We get it - youâre alone
His Tinder profile will be like:
âName: StevenâŠbut in the streets, they call me XQZ
Family memories?
When I was growinâ up, my dad played âI Got Your Noseâ and had a sprained wrist for the next two weeksâ
You probably tell all the vegan girls who watch anime you only eat Senzu beans!
But Iâm jealous! I mean, who doesnât wanna pillow-talk about their best two schemes?
This little snobby teenage attitude you got goinâ is somethinâ you should knock off, dweeb
Or Iâll put this old man in a hole like the Balrog scene
Ever since a kid watchinâ TV, I knew I had the drop on Steve
âCause soon as dog need a clue, heâd get a paw on screen
Fuck a fade!
Bro, you can catch a one-two, one-two, like how youâd step to a slow song
You made a style off takinâ rhyme schemes and stretchinâ them so long
But you donât realize how trash that shit is, Steven
So forever it goes on
Just milkinâ (milk in) the bar like Donât Mess with The Zohan
But yâall should watch him versâ Coach Corleone on No Coast
That third round he had- yâall should watch it
That third round he had was a treasure, a gem
See, in that round, he talks about how depression, it entered his head
So he would never be battlingâŠever again
OhâŠuntil a month later, versâ Blackademikz
But he had to prove he still had a relevant pen
And now you takinâ GZs?
Sounds to me like as long as it ainât No Coast, you just need a âwhereâ and a âwhenâ
Thatâs why that mental illness shit he talkinâ, I donât care to defend
Sounds like someoneâs just too pussy to start tellinâ his friends he thinks heâs better than them
Well, now you gettinâ bodied instead!
Bro, Iâm usinâ you to send a message
Sweeney, man, the kidâs impressive
I mean, how could you not feel him?
Scott Pilgrim: yeah, I coulda killed seven Xâs (exes)
So you can keep on battling and make it to the top of the nerds
And do this once a month to prove you got it with words
And I can sit back and relax, knowinâ I could kill whoever if I wanna return
Employee of the Month at the office: see, my spot is reserved
Round 3
[Round 3: XQZ]
Said, uhâŠRob and Red Flag?
Their prediction blog said I was pretentiousâŠnot a kernel of truth
Itâs not my fault 80 percent of this roster said I would murder this dude
Iâm referencing some shit from Thursday to prove I spent no time rehearsing for you
And come-
Come to think of it, that does sound like something a pretentious person would do
I think so
Sweenâ Do, one of the best in the league, bro
Youâre in iBattle with an unflippable name - thatâs basically a cheat code
Myth of Sisyphus: he been climbinâ this whole time for nothinâ
I made a name without that soft-ass dime-a-dozen style of punchinâ
âCause those Mittens wonât make a difference when itâs his whole head inside the oven
Turn the heat up and slice his onion like a wine reduction
Every little detail, like an Iron Chefâs final entry
Rare as they come, shitâs like finding Henny in the 1920s
Any situation these guys present me? Iâve been ready
This was not my first choice, but I still took it, like Diet Pepsi
But I wonât lie âcause finding inspiration was hard
I was down south on vacation so my brain could recharge
Came back with a Goro-sized combination of arms
And a silencer that makes an AR sound like ASMR!
For fuckâs sake!
His wifey tryinâ to bust down my door and treat my crib like a drug raid
She catchinâ âButterfliesâ from that white girl like Kacey Musgraves
She think she a model, right?
Iâll have her in magazines and newspapers one day
Before the shot, Backpage
After the shot, front page!
But sheâs lucky, though, âcause Iâm talkinâ big game like Army-Navy
And she seen the personality all through the â90s like Carson Daly
Had her up all night âtil the sunrise like the party crazy
âCause she just took a laced ball to the nose like Marcia Brady
Iâm in the whip! Fly, like Iâm drivinâ down the lake from Die Another Day
Lightinâ up the stage like a Walt Disney fireworks parade
I said, hit his bitch doggie
âCause I invited her to stay and she silently obeyed
Had another thot (thought) lookinâ back at it, likeâŠâYeah, I was finna sayâŠâ
Aw, God, oh, I knew this was gonna be the part, too
Mmm, yeah, I know, itâs brutal
I said, uhâŠ
Ah, Iâm âbout to lose to Sweeney
UmâŠ
[Sweeney]
Itâs alright
He got the first, got the first
[XQZ]
I said, the thing about these lilâ-bro types?
They get so hyped off of minimal success
So sometimes you gotta put âem in that headlock to keep these idiots in check
Whether indirect, simple shit or intricate and dense
Thereâs a reason Iâve been here since â09 and they consider me a vet
I call my peers out for their bullshit like citizenâs arrest
And cripple these kids âtil they start hearinâ the âFinish Him!â effects
Infinite potential, âcause Iâm pushinâ to the limits when I prep
You talk all that different shit, but we ainât seen shit different from him yet
I went from drivinâ around the country just to battle in my free time
To gettinâ paid to make up for your mistakes on the leagueâs dime
So when I get sick of battle rap and start feeling itâs time to call quits
Iâll use bums like this as a punching bag to fight it off with
Thank you