I wonder what it would be like if I didn't change when I did
Would I still hurt everyone that I love?
Would I still be so toxically desperate?
Would I still send mass snap-chats
To all of my goddamn contacts
As if there was inherent significance
In my loneliness

I spent so many nights chastising myself as a strategy
To drill into my head the audacity
That I must have had to be that way
That I must have had to act that way
I'm just so grateful to have
Those pills out of my life
To not be binge drinking all the time
To no longer feel like a passenger
Of a self-driving car headed straight into a wall

I think there's a future in
Dissolving into kindness
Becoming one with the lightness
Nurturing a sympathy for the darkness
And never snapping back
To the selfishness that defined you in your past
You must become
A person that you truly believe has earned love