[ANDRE]
Dress up a monkey in Armani
He may seem precocious and cute
Despite all that primpin'
You still got a chimp in a suit

Teach him the second verse of "Swanee"
And most of "Moon River" to boot
Sure people will gape
But you still got an ape
in a suit

Spritz him 'til wet
With the Eau de Toilette
And you're still gonna get
A stench

Dampen him well
In a quart of Chanel
It won't cover the smell
I should know, I'm French!

Take him to see Don Giovanni
Show him Cezanne's lovely fruit
Teach him to cook
From Escoffier's book
He's still a gorilla en croute
You still got a chimp in a suit
So you've shaved off his fur
Decked him out in couture
And endowed him with pure
Savoir faire

You dressed him up fancy
And trained him to dance, he
Remains a chimpanzee
He's not Fred Astaire!

Give him a dandy little topper
Tie on a natty cravat
Buy him a castle
He'll still be an asshole
And nothing you do will change that

He's still just a stinky
Little minkey
In a dinky
Little suit!
...And a cheap little hat!