Original Broadway Cast of If/Then
What The F**k?
[LIZ]
Hey you there with that face in the mirror
What the hell are you looking at?
No really
Who are you there to judge me?
You’re exactly like me but flat
And the one who has lived this life
Or the happiness that comes my way
So I’m gonna say:

What the fuck?
Stay in the night
There’s a chance that it’ll all be alright
It’s possible I’m pushing this a little too far
But it’s not like things can get a whole lot worse than they are
I’m not running on a streak of good luck
So what the fuck?

[BETH]
Another day of saving the planet
One more night of nothing but tears
And Stephen plays dumb, surprised that I want him
Like we haven’t been flirting for years
And I know that I was out of bounds
It was me somehow on the attack
But then he kissed me back
What the fuck?
What’s the deal?
Can I ever just feel what I feel?
I’m accomplished and I’m funny
I’ve got wisdom and wit
And a taste for certain men who will treat me like shit
So romance has again run amuck
Oh what the fuck?

What the fuck?
What'd I do?
How’d I end up lying naked with you?
I was stone-cold stupid sober
So I can’t blame the drink
I was needy, I was greedy and I just didn’t think
That’s a lie
I thought about it a lot
I had lots of warning thoughts, I forgot
Just another bad decision, I guess
Just another pile a crap in the mess
And I’ve managed to involve my best friend
Will my trail of sad mistakes ever end?
Cause I’m starting to suspect that I’m stuck
Like a schmuck
And I suck
What the fuck?