[Gaston]
When a man like me is thwarted
And denied his honeymoon

[Lefou]
When the pretty thing he's courted
Refuses to swoon

[Gaston]
Then the time has come for a murky plan

[Lefou]
For which he turns to a murky man

[All]
To find that fiend where better than
At the Maison des Lunes?

[Gaston]
You'll be strapping up an inmate

[Lefou]
Very tightly

[Gaston]
Very soon
But we won't bring him in late
[Lefou]
Your check-in time's noon

[D'Arque]
How sad Maurice is not too well

[Gaston]
Prepare a five-star padded cell!

[All]
And book him in for a long, long spell
At the Maison des Lunes

[Gaston]
Do I make myself entirely clear?

[Lefou]
It's the simplest deal of your whole foul career

[Gaston]
Put Maurice away and she'll be here in moments

[Lefou]
In a dreadful state

[Gaston]
She'll capitulate to me
[D'Arque]
Oh! Oh! Oh, I love incarceration
I could lock up a platoon

[Gaston]
We'll apply your inclination
To a mad old buffon

[Gaston & Lefou]
Then wave one bachelor goodbye

[Gaston]
She'll be my bride

[Lefou]
She'd rather die
Than have her daddy ossify

[D'Arque]
The time's opportune

[All]
So book the church, raise glasses high
To the Maison des Lunes!