[Verse 1]
I like glitter and sparkly dresses
But I'm not going to talk about that
In my monologue
I like baking and things that smell like winter
But I'm not going to talk about that
In my monologue

[Chorus]
La la la, la la la

[Verse 2]
I like writing songs about douche bags who cheat on me
But I'm not going to say that
In my monologue
I like writing their names into songs so they're ashamed to go in public
But I'm not going to say that
In my monologue

[Chorus]
La la, la la la la la
This is my musical monologue

[Verse 3]
You might think I'd bring up Joe
The guy who broke up with me on the phone
But I'm not going to mention him
In my monologue
Hey Joe! I'm doing real well
Tonight I'm hosting SNL
But I'm not going to brag about that
In my monologue
[Chorus]
La la la, ha ha ha
Ha ha ha, ha ha ha
La la la

[Verse 4]
And if you're wondering if I might
Be dating the werewolf from Twilight
[mouths "Hi Taylor!", blows him a kiss]
I'm not going to comment on that
In my monologue

[Chorus]
La la, la la la la la
This is my musical monologue

[Bridge]
You might be expecting me to say
Something bad about Kanye
And how he ran up on the stage
And ruined my VMA monologue
But there's nothing more to say
'Cause everything's okay
I've got security lining this stage
This is my SNL monologue
[Chorus]
La la, la la la la la
This is my SNL monologue
La la, la la la la la
That was my SNL monologue