[Verse 1]
I spotted Miss World, too good to be true
But the club was pretty dark and I'd had quite a few
I stagger to her table sipping my brew
But just as I get there she goes to the loo
Impatient bastard, now what do I do?
Then I cop her friend and she's alright too
Her arse in good shape, above average boat
I ask her name, she sticks her tongue down my throat
I'm not one to gloat or boast, but take note
Twenty minutes gone and she's getting her coat
So I down my beer, my boys start to cheer (Hey!)
Grin across my face runs from ear to ear
She gives me the look, and I mean the look
Was it love at first sight man, or something she took? (I don't know)
A swagger in my step like a crook, then I think
The girl looks shook, she's had too much to drink
I look at her eyeballs to see if they're pink
But I don't get a chance cause she gives me a wink
So I travel to hers in an illegal cab
Plus I know she's a student, her house is drab
In my head I'm laughing, [I've put the graft in?]
Stereo's playing some timeless Marvin
The lights dim down and the clothes come off
But I pass out, cause her pillow's too soft
[Hook: x2]
I don't want (No no no no)
To be true (No no no no)
I don't want
To make love to you

[Verse 2]
I'm up the next morning, but where the hell's this?
I'm trapped in girly purple abyss
It's proving costly, she took me hostage
First things first man, where's the Frosties?
I slowly tiptoe towards the door
But she grabs my left arm like I've broken the law
Now who am I kidding, I ain't her guest
But she playing like she got me under house arrest
She starts with a speech about how she's feeling
I'm more intrigued by her lilac ceiling
Any time now there's a question pending
She wants to confirm a romantic ending
Why do they charm you with hocus-pocus?
I gotta get home for the Football Focus
To dodge small talk I admit defeat
"Er, how are you for dinner love? Tuesday week?"

[Hook]
[Verse 3]
As we waited at the bus stop she wanted a cab
But I made her see sense with the gift of the gab
A cab's 20 quid, and that's money for us
Plus it's it's one nugget each on the 220 bus
There's one little issue that we gotta address
I got just enough cash for a Pizza Express
Even though she wants Thai chilli beef with mango
I'd be content with some wings from Nando's
We get to Express, but before we can order
She starts with a tirade that I never call her
I say "I'm trying to keep my phone bills smaller"
Try and change the subject, "Have you got taller?"
"Don't give me that, that's a load of tosh"
She says words like that, she's a little bit posh
"Look, all I want, Ell, is a call at lunches"
As she keeps ranting, the waiter approaches
"Be honest, you want this to work or not?"
"Er, doughballs, please and an American Hot"
"I'm talking, geezer I want to know please"
"She'll have a Caesar with no anchovies
And two Peronis" he makes a note
I look back at her and she's getting her coat
She heads for the door like a spoilt adult
More food for me, eh? What a result
[Hook]