So man gets out of bed, goes downstairs, jumps in the car, drives to Sainsburys car park, just to hear my new tune with Bass!

I'm in the empty carpark, playing music loud, just minding my own business. Im parked facing a wall, I'm the corner of the carpark

Bass pumping, jacking up the tune bare times coz I'm gassed

Sipping on the bottle of water that I left in my cup holder from last nights Mc ds, I didn't realise how much I had drank, I needed to Pee

So I get out to go pee, nobody is around so I leave the key in the ignition because it keeps the music playing...

..and most importantly it keeps the BASS BOX powered up and pumping

So I'm pissing in a bush, bopping my head, then I hear a rustle. I think, rah, I might be pissing on a hedgehog.

I move my piss beam to the left a little not to dusturb the ting. Then I hear another rustle. Now I'm thinking mad thoughts, like… snakes

Or crocodiles... Or sumfin. So I think, rags... There's nobody in this carpark ima move the piss beam all the way to the wall.

So I'm 60% through pissing, and I have moved the target spot to the wall. And I'm still humming and bopping to the tune.

Then the tune stops, mid tune. Not at the end. So I'm waiting for my phone to ring coz that's all it could be. There's no other explanation

But no, I start to hear jodeci full blast, slow jams. And my car door slams shut. So I run to the passenger door and pull the handle
Piss is still dripping but forget about that for a second. The passenger door is locked and I knew this already. I didn't unlock it.

So I scoot round the front to the driver door at record speed. A bit of piss goes on the bonnet but forget about that for a second.
I open the driver door, and stop the music, and turn the ignition off so I can listen and think clearly in the dead silence.

I can hear the rustle again, but it's from inside the car now. I'm scared a bit but I'm not showing it because I want to remain in control

I take the key out of the ignition and put it in my pocket, I'm making sure I remember the important things in all this commotion

I open the rear driver side door, and I walk round the other side and open the other two doors as well, and stand back from the car.

I look up at the windows above Sainsburys to see if anyone's looking out from the offices to the carpark just to feel safer, but nope

The piss has stopped dripping now and I zip up my jeans.

Then I hear the rustle again, so I say "yo man?" Loud. And immediately think it was stupid to do so.

I then open the boot and a fox jumps out and pushes me to the floor and says "you're such a doughnut fam"

I'm in shock

But I still manage to roll over and pin him down and I'm thinking, I'm so lucky I zipped up when I did.

I jumped up and slammed all the doors and locked the car, the fox jumped on the roof and looked me in the eye as I shut the last door

I ran into the park nearby and hid in the public toilets and sent these tweets, I'm going back out now

I could see the car through the gap in the fence the whole time, the fox was circling it. Now he's on the bench. He knew I'd have to return
He's just looking at me, like foxes always fucking do. I asked him what he wants and he said "I'm not a 'He' cuz"

I'm sure Brenda from Sainsburys works in the office on Saturdays, ima try and make as much noise as possible so she comes out… or calls feds

Coz I'm not a snitch innit.

The fox is going to the bush where I was pissing, I'm thinking of unlocking my car and driving off. But I need him to get far enough

He's fucking scratched up my car!!! The whole driver side is fucked! I didn't see him do that from the toilets? Fuck

I ain't a snitch but there's CCTV in this carpark ima threaten him with legal action I don't care. I ain't paying for no fucking re spray

I walked over and said bruv, The fox said "SHUTUP, you can't call Feds" I said who said ima call Feds, he said "SHUTUP, you

Then he fucking drags a body out from the bush, he's dragging it, all I can see is a hand.

He dragged body from the bush, it's Brenda. He fucking killed Brenda. She is definitely dead she's not even smiling. She always smiles

He said I can't call Feds, because I pissed on Brenda and he's just a fox, who are they going to believe.

he said "what are u doing here?" I said I came to play music but before I could finish he shouts "WHY ARE YOU HERE?!" Im so baffed right now

I can't believe he killed Brenda man.

I've started crying, I can't hold it back, the fox tilts his head to the left and said "be a man" so I charged at him
I kicked him in his chest neck area and punched him in the nose. I don't know what else to do, it's hard to fight a fox. I'm so angry

Nothings going to bring Brenda back. I dragged her to the middle of the carpark & went to get my car out the corner but he's stood In my way

I'm breathing heavily & tears are streaming down my face and merging with bogeys, veins are popping out my neck I KNOW he's scared right now

He's trying to reason with me. I'm not hearing it, I can't believe Brenda isn't smiling.

My fists are clenched, I'm playing out the fight in my mind, I've decided I'm going to punch him repeatedly in the side, the skinny bit

Then I'm gonna grab his tail and dangle him while I toe punt his jaw

He's pulled out a knife, change of plans. And he's handing me a Samsung galaxy s3 and saying "speak to them" …all I want ...is to get my car

I'm on his phone now, to the ambulance, I told them about Brenda. And to bring help. I hope they understand what I mean by help.

I threw his phone back to him, but I threw it bent so he'll have to move to get it, then I can get my car. But he didn't move.

He lunged at me and sliced my thigh. I'm bleeding, fucking hell I'm Bleeding. I swear there's a major artery in your thigh.

I forgotten my fight plan, I'm screaming though. And swinging everywhere. I hit him a couple times but he's just laughing.

The ambulance need to get here now. I'm bleeding man. All I can think of is Brenda. She got the worst deal.

Me and the fox are walking in circles around Brenda, I know he wants to pounce again, I'm ready for him, I'm fucking bleeding though

I can hear sirens, the British emergency response team do such a great job I commend them. I need to fuck this fox up though.

Sirens are getting louder, I reversed the direction of the Circle we're walking in, I have control. Ima distract him and grab his tail

Forgive me god but I kicked Brenda in the face, it was the Only way I could distract him. He was so shocked. Eyes wide open

Then I jumped over her and elbowed him in his lower back, the skinny bit. He's reeling in pain. It felt so good. I head locked him

His breath stinks. I squeezed the headlock tight and whispered in his ear, "nobody calls me a doughnut bruv" then I twisted his neck.

I'm still crying.

I feel faint, I can't keep tweeting, the ambulance and police are here, they're rushing to me. They need to go to Brenda first, I'm so tired

The last bit of piss leaked out, I'm in the ambulance now. I can't believe Brenda isn't smiling. And my car is scratched.

#RipBrenda

Anyone wanna buy a Samsung S3 with a cracked screen, holla me later, £60