[Verse 1]
I never wanted to be
A man of mystery
My life's an open book
By James Joyce and Agatha Christie
Sometimes I get confused
Somewhere around page two
I live the perfect crime
And crime pays more than it used to

[Pre-Chorus]
They're checkin' the evidence
May be some charges pressed
The only one they got me on
Is some misdemeanor craziness

[Chorus]
If it all falls down, falls down, falls down
If they solve my life they find me out
Never thought to keep all I have found
I have had my fun if it all falls down
If it all falls down, falls down, falls down
I have had my fun I have bought a few rounds
And been out on the town way out on the town
Way-way-way out if it all falls down
[Verse 2]
Never wanted to be
A part of history
I have my days in the sun
A beach bum a man for all seasides
Guidance counselor said
Your scores are anti-heroic
Computer recommends
Hard-drinking calypso poet

[Bridge]
Studied life at sea
Studied life in bars
Never passed my S.A.T.'s
So I thought I'd study extra hard

[Chorus]
If it all falls down, falls down, falls down
I have learned my trade from the inside out
I can strum real hard I can play real loud
I can charm a crowd if it all falls down
If it all falls down, falls down, falls down
I can warm a crowd I can make them shout
I can juggle verbs, adverbs, and nouns
I can make them dance 'til they all fall down
[Break]
We had plenty of doctors
We had plenty of lawyers
We had people to make us things
We had people to sell us those things
Didn't have enough room for those things
We build lots of self-storage
Calypso poet shortage
Calypso poet shortage

[Chorus]
If it all falls down, falls down, falls down
I'll have filled that void from city to town
I'll have spent my money and taken my bows
I'll have had my fun if it all falls down

If it all falls down, falls down, falls down
If they solve my life, if they find me out
Never thought to keep all I have found
I have had my fun if it all falls down

If it all falls down, falls down, falls down
I can charm a crowd 'til they snake dance 'round
With calypso beat down island sound
I can make them dance 'til they all fall down
[Chorus]
If it all falls down, falls down, falls down
I can warm a crowd I can make them shout
I can juggle verbs, adverbs, and nouns
I can make them dance 'til they all fall down