[Verse 1]
This hotel room's got a lot of stuff
A laundry bag and a shoeshine cloth
Thirty-two hangers and a touchtone phone
Well, a light that comes on when I ain't home

[Chorus 1]
I ain't home, I ain't home
You better leave a message 'cause I ain't home

[Verse 2]
They got an air conditioner for when I'm hot
A radiator for when I'm not
Two big chairs sittin' side by side
With a holy Bible and the TV Guide

[Chorus 2]
TV Guide, the TV Guide
Great God almighty, it's the TV Guide

[Verse 3]
I got a second story view from curb to curb
I got a sign that reads "do not disturb"
A monogrammed towel and a bucket of ice
A chest of drawers and a mirror that lies
[Chorus 3]
Mirror that lies, a mirror that lies
That couldn't be me in the gorilla disguise

[Verse 4]
They got a room service menu for food and drink
A porcelain throne and an aluminum sink
Two big pillows to rest my head
A Magic Fingers and a king-size bed

[Chorus 4]
Put in a quarter, turn out the light
Magic Fingers makes you feel alright
Feel alright, feel alright
Magic Fingers makes you feel alright

[Verse 5]
This old' hotel's alright with me
They pay the postage if you lose the key
This hotel room's got a lot of stuff
But I do believe I've had enough

[Verse 6]
Called my baby, said don't you pout
I'm packin' my bags and I'm checkin' out
Just as soon as you hang up the telephone
Stick a candle in the window, I'm comin' home
[Chorus 6]
Comin' home, a-comin' home
Stick a candle in the window, I'm comin' home
Comin' home, comin' home
Stick a candle in the window, I'm comin' home

[Outro]
"Thank you boys"