[Verse 1]
Now they make new movies in old black and white
With happy endings, where nobody fights
So if you find yourself in that nostalgic rage
Honey, jump right up and show your age

[Chorus 1]
I wish I had a pencil thin moustache
The Boston Blackie kind
A two toned Ricky Ricardo jacket
And an autographed picture of Andy Devine
I remember bein' buck-toothed and skinny
Writin' fan letters to Sky's niece Penny
Oh, I wish I had a pencil thin moustache
Then I could solve some mysteries too

[Bridge 1]
Then it's Bandstand, Disneyland, growin' up fast
Drinkin' on a fake ID
Yeah, and Rama of the jungle was everyone's Bawana
But only jazz musicians were smokin' marijuana, yeah

[Refrain]
I wish I had a pencil thin moustache
Then I could solve some mysteries too
Thin, thin, pencil thin mustache
[Bridge 2]
Then it's flat top, dirty bop, coppin' a feel
Grubbin' on the livin' room floor, so sore
Yeah, they send you off to college, try to gain a little knowledge
But all you want to do is learn how to score

[Verse 2]
Yeah, but now I'm gettin' old, don't wear underwear
I don't go to church and I don't cut my hair
But I can go to movies and see it all there
Just the way that it used to be

[Chorus 2]
That's why I wish I had a pencil thin moustache
The Boston Blackie kind
A two-toned Ricky Ricardo jacket
And an autographed picture of Andy Devine
Oh, I could be anyone I wanted to be
Maybe suave Errol Flynn or the Sheik of Araby
If I only had a pencil thin moustache
Then I could do some cruisin' too

[Outro]
Yeah, Brylcreem, a little dab'll do yah
Oh, I could do some cruisin' too