If you've seen a show
Then you already know
How magical theater can be
It's a two-hour, live-action
Barely affordable, un-lip-synced version of Glee
So, this song goes out to the rest of you
Those who've never seen theater before
Because Broadway has never been broader
It's not just for gays anymore!

If you feel like someone that this world excludes
It's no longer only for dudes who like dudes
Attention every breeder
You're invited to the theater
It's not just for gays anymore!

The glamor of Broadway is beckoning straights
The people who marry in all fifty states
We're asking every hetero
To get to know us better-o
It's not just for gays anymore!

It's for fine, upstanding Christians
Who know all the songs from Grease
It's for sober-minded businessmen
Who yearn for some release
So, put down your Playboy and go make a plan
To pick up a Playbill and feel like a man
There's so much to discover
With your different-gendered lover
It's not just for gays
The gays and the Jews
And cousins in from out of town you have to amuse
And the sad, embittered malcontents who write the reviews
And also foreign tourists
And the geeks of senior citizens
And well-to-do suburbanites
And liberal intellectuals
Though that group is really only Jews and homosexuals
I've lost my train of thought
Oh yes, it's not just for gays anymore!

[Interlude]

We've got swarms of Mormons, showgirls, sailors
Dancing boys and nuns
Plus a Spider facing, death-defying, budget over-runs
So, people from red states, and people from blue
A big Broadway rainbow is waiting for you
Come in and be inspired
There's no sodomy required
Oh, it's not just for gays
It's not just for gays
We'd be twice as proud to have you if you go both ways
Broadway is not just for gays anymore!