[NEIL]
Guys?
Have they all gone?
Yes! It's Neil's turn
No more writers to whine
Now the whole show is mine

No more Nathan
With his bean dip
Say goodnight, Frankenstein
'Cause it's my turn to shine

I can do all of their jobs
I can just play with these knobs
And I'll sound fine

It's a one-man
Like Hal Holbrook
Like that showcase for Liza
It's “Neil with an I”

Hey Felicia
You were great, kid
But you just had to die
'Cause there's no “Team” in “I”
I'll sing my own harmonies
I'll go as low as I please
Or I'll go high

Welcome everybody to my commentary
I've got so much talent it's a little scary
Is my every random thought insightful – very
Not just entertaining, I'm luminary

I'll charm the chicks
Are those things real? Ha!
Do magic tricks
Was it the Three of Clubs? Ho!
Lay down some tap
And I can rap

My name is Neil and I'm here to say...

No I can't rap
That was painful
Let's move on the the part
Where I talk about art

Look at that shot
We used cameras
There's a boom guy in frame
He was great – what's his name?
What was his name?
What should I say?
The choices are endless
And here I am at last, alone, and friendless
No I'm not friendless
I've got some friends
They'll be here when this ends
If this ends
What do I say?
What does this switch do? It turns out the lights
Now it's dark and I'm lost and alone
And what's with all these chords?
What's with all these weird chords?
Somebody help
Somebody say cut
Somebody say action
Somebody say something
I'm so afraid
Somebody say cut
I'm so alone…