[BARNEY]
I know what you're thinking:
What's Barney been drinking?
That girl was smoking hot
Yes, I could've nailed her
But no it's not a failure
'Cause there's one thing she is not

To score a 10 would be just fine
But I'd rather be dressed to the nines!
It's a truth you can't refute
Nothing suits me like a suit

Picture a world where all the boys and girls
Are impeccably well-dressed
That delivery guy in a jacket and tie
That puppy in a double breast

That 80's dude with mutton chops
That baby with a lolly pop
That lady cop who's kinda cute
Nothing suits 'em like a suit

[ALL]
Suits!
[BARNEY]
Wingman I can wear!

[ALL]
Suits!

[BARNEY]
They're, oh, so debonair!

[ALL]
Suits!

[BARNEY]
The perfect way to snare
A girl with daddy issues!

[ALL]
Suits!

[BARNEY]
In navy, blue or black!
Check out this perfect rack!
I want to give them a squeeze

[MARSHALL]
Oh, really?
Then answer these questions if you please:
What would you do if you had to choose
Between your suits and a pot of gold?

[BARNEY]
Suits

[TED]
What would you say
If you gave your suits away
And in return you'd never grow old?

[BARNEY]
Suits

[ROBIN]
What would you pick?
One million chicks
Or a single three-piece suit?

[BARNEY]
It's moot!

[LILY]
What if world peace were within your reach—

[BARNEY, spoken]
Alalalalalah— I'm gonna stop you right there. It's suits
Come on, Lily. Get your head out of your ass
(sung)
Two! Three! Four!

[ALL]
Girls will go and girls will come
But there's only one absolute
Every bro on the go needs to know
That there's no accepted substitute

[BARNEY]
I'm sorry, suits, let's make amends
My Sunday Best are my best friends!
Send Casual Friday down the laundry chute!

[ALL]
'Cause nothing suits the
Undisputed
Oft-saluted
Suitor of repute
Like a...

[BARNEY]
Wait for it...
Suit!

[ALL]
Nothing suits him like a suit
(Like a suit, like a suit, like a suit, like a suit)