Neil Patrick Harris
Another National Anthem
[CZOLGOSZ, spoken]
I did it because it is wrong for one man to have so much service when other men have none...

[BOOTH, spoken]
I did it to bring down the government of Abraham Lincoln and to avenge the ravaged South...

[HINCKLEY, spoken]
I did it to prove to her my everlasting love...

[FROMME, spoken]
I did it to make them listen to Charlie...

[ZANGARA, spoken]
I did it 'cause my belly was on-a fire...

[GUITEAU, spoken]
I did it to preserve the Union and promote the sale of my book...

[MOORE, spoken]
I did it so my friends would know where I was coming from...

[BYCK]
Where's my prize?

[CZOLGOSZ, spoken]
I did it because no one cares about the poor man's pain...
[MOORE, spoken]
I did it so I'd know where I was coming from...

[BYCK]
I want my prize...

[ZANGARA, spoken]
I did it 'cause the bosses made my belly burn...

[HINCKLEY, spoken]
I did it so she'd pay attention...

[MOORE, spoken]
So I'd have someplace to come from, and someplace to go...

[BYCK]
Don't I get a prize?

[GUITEAU, spoken]
I did it 'cause they said I would be Ambassador to France...

[BOOTH, spoken]
I did it so they'd suffer in the North the way we'd suffered in the South...

[BYCK]
I deserve a fucking prize!...
[FROMME, spoken]
I did it so there'd be a trial, and Charlie would get to be a witness, and he'd be on TV, and he'd save the world!...

[GUITEAU]
Where's my prize?

[BYCK, spoken]
I did it to make people listen

[CZOLGOSZ & FROMME]
They promised me a prize...

[HINCKLEY, spoken]
Because she wouldn't take my phone calls—

[ALL except ZANGARA]
What about my prize?

[ZANGARA, spoken]
Because nothing stopped the fire—!

[ALL except BYCK]
I want my prize!...

[BYCK, spoken]
Nobody would listen!
[BALLADEER]
It didn't mean a nickel
You just shed a little blood
And a lot of people shed a lot of tears
Yes, you made a little moment
And you stirred a little mud
But it didn't fix the stomach
And you've drunk your final Bud
And it didn't help the workers
And it didn't heal the country
And it didn't make them listen
And they never said, "We're sorry"—

[BYCK]
Yeah, it's never gonna happen
Is it?
No, sir—

[CZOLGOSZ]
Never

[BYCK]
No, we're never gonna get the prize—

[FROMME]
No one listens...

[BYCK]
—Are we?

[ZANGARA]
Never

[BYCK]
No, it doesn't make a bit of difference
Does it?

[OTHERS, variously]
Didn't
Ever

[BYCK]
Fuck it!

[OTHERS]
Spread the word...

[ALL]
Where's my prize?...

[BALLADEER]
I just heard
On the news
Where the mailman won the lottery
Goes to show:
When you lose
What you do is try again
You can be
What you choose
From a mailman to a president
There are prizes all around you
If you're wise enough to see:
The delivery boy's on Wall Street
And the the usherette's a rock star—

[BYCK]
Right, it's never gonna happen, is it?
Is it?

[HINCKLEY & FROMME]
No, man!

[BYCK & CZOLGOSZ]
No, we'll never see the day arrive—

[ASSASSINS, variously]
Spread the word—
—Will we?
No, sir—
Never!

No one's ever even gonna care if we're alive
Are they?
Never
Spread the word
We're alive
Someone's gonna listen—!
Listen!

[PROPRIETOR]
Listen...
There's another national anthem playing
Not the one you cheer
At the ball park

[BYCK]
Where's my prize?...

[PROPRIETOR]
It's the other national anthem, saying
If you want to hear—
It says

[BYCK]
"Bullshit!"...

[PROPRIETOR]
It says

[CZOLGOSZ]
"Never!"—

[PROPRIETOR]
It says

[GUITEAU]
"Sorry!"—

[OTHERS]
Loud and clear—

[PROPRIETOR]
It says: Listen

[PROPRIETOR & BOOTH]
To the tune that keeps sounding
In the distance, on the outside
Coming through the ground

[PROPRIETOR & THE MALE ASSASSINS]
To the hearts that go on pounding

[PROPRIETOR & ASSASSINS]
To the sound
Getting louder every year—
Listen to the sound...

[PROPRIETOR]
Take a look around...

[PROPRIETOR & ASSASSINS]
We're the other national anthem, folks
The ones that can't get in
To the ball park

[PROPRIETOR]
Spread the word...

[PROPRIETOR & ASSASSINS]
There's another national anthem, folks
For those who never win

[BYCK]
For the suckers!

[CZOLGOZ]
For the pikers!

[PROPRIETOR & ASSASSINS]
For the ones who might have been!

[BALLADEER]
There are those who love regretting
There are those who like extremes
There are those who thrive on chaos and despair
There are those who keep forgetting
That the country's built on dreams—

[PROPRIETOR]
People listen...

[BALLADEER]
And the mailman won the lottery—

[PROPRIETOR & ASSASSINS]
They may not want to hear it
But they listen
Once they think it's gonna stop the game...

[BALLADEER]
And the usherette's a rock star—

[PROPRIETOR & ASSASSINS]
No, they may not understand
All the words
All the same
They hear the music...

[BYCK]
They hear the screams...

[BALLADEER]
I've got news—

[PROPRIETOR]
They hear the sobs
They hear the drums...

[BALLADEER]
Well, you forgot about the country—

[ASSASSINS]
The muffled drums
The muffled dreams...

[BALLADEER]
So it's now forgotten you—

[ASSASSINS]
And they rise...

[BYCK, spoken]
You know why I did it?
'Cause there isn't any Santa Claus!

[ASSASSINS]
Where's my prize?

[BALLADEER]
And you forgot—

[ASSASSINS]
What's my prize?

[BALLADEER]
—How quick it heals—

[ASSASSINS]
Promises and lies...

[BALLADEER]
That it's a place
Where you can make the lies come true—

[ASSASSINS]
Spread the word...

[BALLADEER]
—If you try—

[ASSASSINS]
Gotta spread the word...

[BALLADEER]
That's all you have to do—

[ASSASSINS]
Right
All you have to do...

Well, there's another national anthem
And I think it just began
In the ball park

Listen hard...

Like the other national anthem
Says to each and every fan:
If you can't do what you want to
Then you do the things you can
You've got to try again!

[ASSASSINS, variously]

Like they say
You've go to keep on trying
Every day
Until you get a prize...
Until you get a prize...
Until you're heard...

Musn't get discouraged...
Spread the word...
Mustn't give up hope...
Up to you—
Don't say—
—What you choose...
—It's never gonna happen...
Spread the word...

You can always get a prize...

[BOOTH]
You can always get your dream...

[BYCK]
Sure, the mailman won the lottery...