Put down the remote
'Cause this song what I wrote
Is a welcome you should not miss
Put down the remote
Every note from this throat
Is like a not-to-be-Tivo'd kiss

Don't touch that dial
Yes, it's been quite a while
Since a dial was in style
But you know what I mean
Don't jump online
'Cause this fine mug of mine
Needs a huge high-def screen!

Turn off that phone
'Cause I want you alone
For the treasures I've got to share
Don't hit that fridge
Oh boy! Let's abridge
Your sweet derrière!

Don't flip that switch
Aren't you curious which
Stars got Emmys vote?
Don't hit the loo
And whatеver you do
Put down the remotе!
The stars are all here
Tina Fey! What a year!
Sarah Palin did you no wrong
Thank God the “boob tube”
Rhymes with “Tony Shalhoub”
Or he wouldn't be in this song!

I see such legends galore
Like McLaine! Barrymore!
Every dame looks so luscious and cool
But like season on “Idol”
I'm not seeing Paula Abdul!

Straight from Mad Men, there's Joan
Ah, the curves she has shown
It would make a blind man say, “Damn”
She could turn a gay straight—
Oh wait, never mind, there's Jon Hamm!

And though it's true
I'm a nominee, too
I'll try not to gloat
But it's a gas to be praised
And it's certainly raised my quote!

I know at home you've got
A&E, ABC, Starz and Biography
NBC, BET, Fox and Discovery
IFC, Spike TV, C-SPAN and TNT
AMC, History, Disney and QVC
CBS, PBS, TBS, and I guess
CNN, TBN, Showtime and Oxygen—
Whatever floats your boat!
Can't you watch it later?
Yeah, you potatoes at home
Don't let your fingertips roam
Tonight the Emmy is hitting the town
So put down the remote!