[Verse 1]
Met a midget, he was shorter than Elroy Jetson
If you could see him, it would really blow your mind
Smelled a little like the kennel that you keep your pets in
Because he didn’t bathe for eight weeks at a time

[Chorus 1]
But he was my friend
I liked him, I really liked him
Something about him was cool
He was okay
I think that you would like him
He’s an awful lot like you

[Verse 2]
I met a drag queen in a harlot hobo hellhole
She looked like a little bit like Gilda in a dress
He wore a teddy with a nicе big plunging neckline
So evеryone could see her big fat hairy chest

[Chorus 2]
(Oh yeah, but) She was my friend
I liked him, I really liked her
Something about her was cool
She was okay
I think that you would like her
She’s an awful lot like you
[Bridge]
It doesn’t matter who you are
Or what you think of me
Bigotry is just a form of insecurity

[Verse 3]
I met a lady with a beard like Rip Van Winkle
I don’t remember but I think her name was Bruce
You couldn’t see his face, she had so many pimples
I couldn’t tell if she was black, white or chartreuse

[Chorus 2]
(Oh yeah, but) She was my friend
I liked her, I really liked her
Something about her was cool
She was okay
I think that you would like her
She’s an awful lot like you
She was my friend
I liked her, I really liked her
Something about her was cool
She was okay
I think that you would like her
She’s an awful lot like you

[Outro]
She’s an awful lot like you
She’s an awful lot like you
She’s an awful lot like you