[Ad-lib]
And now folks it's time for Don Pardo To deliver our special Illinois Enema Bandit-type announcement. Take it away, Don!

"This is a true story about a famous criminal from right around Chicago. This is the story of Michael Kenyon, a man who's serving time at this very moment for the crime of armed robbery. It so happens that, at the time of these robberies, Michael decided to give his female victims a little enema. Apparently, there was no law against that; but his name lives on: Michael Kenyon, THE ILLINOIS ENEMA BANDIT!"

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard he's on the loose
I heard he's on the loose
Lord, the pitiful screams
Of all them college-educated women...
Boy, he'd just be tyin' 'em up
They'd be all bound down!
Just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag
Fulla The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice

The Illinois Enema Bandit
I heard it on the news
I heard it on the news
Bloomington Illinois...he has caused some alarm
Just sneakin' around there
From farm to farm
Got a rubberized bag
And a hose on his arm
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
Lookin' for some rustic co-ed rump
That he just might wanna pump
The Illinois Enema Bandit
One day he'll have to pay
One day he'll have to pay
The police will say, "You're under arrest!"
And the judge would have him for a special guest
The D.A. will order a secret test
And stuff his pudgy little thumbs in the side of his vest
Then they'll put out a call for the jury folks (That's you over there!)
And the judge would say, "No poo-poo jokes!"
Then they'll drag in the bandit for all to see
Sayin' "Don't nobody have no sympathy...
HOT SOAPY WATER in the FIRST DEGREE!"
And then the bandit might say, "Why is everybody looking' at me?"

WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS KINDA MISERY?
WELL DID YOU CAUSE THIS MISERY?
Now, one girl shout: "Let the Bandit be!"

BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY?
BANDIT ARE YOU GUILTY? TELL ME NOW, WHAT'S
YOUR PLEA?
Another girl shout: "Let the fiend go free!"
ARE YOU GUILTY? BANDIT, DID YOU DO THESE DEEDS? (C'mon now!)
He said, "It must be just what they all need..."
"It must be just what they all need..." (That's right!)
"It must be just what they all need..."
"It must be just what they all need..."
"It must be just what they all need..." (That's right....)
"It must be just what they all need..." (Don't you know...?)
Etc. repeat
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be pumpin' every one of 'em up with all the bag fulla
The Illinois Enema Bandit Juice
He just be... hey!
Talkin' bout the Illinois...
Illinois...
Ain't talkin' 'bout Fontana... ha!
Ain't talkin' 'bout Po-head-otated... ha! (I'll try again...)
Potato Headed Bobby
Talkin' 'bout the Illinois Enema Bandit
Yeah-yeah- yeah!

FZ:
Wait a minute, this is for Roy Estrada, wherever he is

Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema
An enema
Wanna-wanna-wannan-enema
An enema
I wanna-wanna-wannan-enema
Eh... Take it away!

The Illinois Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit)
The Enema Bandit (The Enema Bandit)
The Enema Bandit
Talkin' bout the Illinois Enema Bandit...

(...It can't happen here!)
Juice!

FZ:
Awright-awright! Ray White, the assistant Illinois Enema Bandit, live on stage here in New York! That's it, sit right down and make yourselves comfortable