[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!
CAPTAIN KIRK!
VERSUS!
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS!
BEGIN!

[Christopher Columbus]
Arrivederci! I'mma leave before this battle begins
Cause we both know in the end which of these captains gonna win
I’ll show you how a real explorer handles a situation
I’ll beat you so bad they’ll feel it in the next generation
So bring it on! I’ll whip you like a Klingon
My rhymes will burrow in your ears like The Wrath of Khan
I’ve got a neck chop for Spock I’ll put my sword through Sulu
Check into a Priceline Hotel and watch your fat ass on Hulu

[Captain Kirk]
I’m the enterprising Captain James Tiberius Kirk
Representing Riverside Iowa, planet Earth
I hear you call yourself an explorer, but I’m just not having it
You discovered a new world that was already inhabited
Why don’t you boldly go someplace you’ve never gone before
Like India, or any destination you actually set sail for
You spaghetti eating fuck, how’s your spice rack doing?
I’ll be chilling in my spaceship. Have fun canoeing
[Christopher Columbus]
You know, rapping against you, it’s not even fun
It’s like somebody set your brains on stun
I am the fabric of history, you are a fictional stain
I’ll stick a flag up your ass and claim you for Spain!

[Captain Kirk]
Mr. Spock, beam me back to 1492 so I can beat this man like it’s my job
We’ll see how Isabella likes my Captain’s log
It’s Kobayashi for you, there’s no way you could win
When your weak crew sees me approaching, they’ll be like, dammit it’s Jim
I’ll double-fist-punch you, you slave making bitch
Now, take your genocidal ass off of my bridge

[Outro]
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPICRRRRRRRRRAP BATTLES OF HISTORY!