[Verse 1: Puff Puff Hambert]
I don't know if you're aware, but your kids suck ass
You need someone to whip 'em then, ha, just ask
'Cause they ain't as perfect as you say is
They ain't perfect at all, you raisin' Bebe's kids!
I'm sorry, I don't know you, I don't mean to get pissy
But you need to discipline your bratty kids, you hippy
Like, "Come here, you little jerk, taste the back of my palm"
"But you ain't my daddy!"
"Nah, but I'm doin' ya mom!"
Now I know you think they're angels, but they're driving me insane
I'll punch a baby in the face just for crying on a plane
Cause I don't mess around
You need to control them or I'll lose it
"But I made you a drawing!"
Shut the fuck up kid, that's stupid
Now I'ma get my truck, I'ma load all my boys in back
I'ma find out where you live and break all your toys in half
And I know it ain't your birthday, but when nobody's lookin'
I'ma give you a little present
"What?" An ass-whoopin'!

[Chorus: Nice Peter]
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, let me whip your kids
Please, I wanna whip your kids
Please, let me whip your kids
Please, I wanna whip your kids
[Verse 2: Puff Puff Hambert]
I never ever thought I'd say a kid deserved to get hit
But it's obvious, time-out ain't workin' for shit!
Yeah, I've seen your parenting style, it ain't all that
You gotta hit the little brat with a wiffle ball bat
'Cause this is obviously more than just a youthful rebellion
You gotta belt the little hellions with a belt when they yellin'
'Cause you don't want me to do it, cause I'll paint their little brains all over the wall
When I spank 'em with a chainsaw
And why they actin' wild and loose?
If they deserve the ass-whoopin', it ain't child abuse
When I'm trynna buy groceries and they're muckin' up my style
They're like drunken little midgets, runnin' up and down the aisle
Touchin' everything in sight, and geez, for Christ's sake
I think one of 'em just stuck his little penis in my cake!
Now I'ma have to put it back and get a new one and it bugs me
"But Mommy says I'm beautiful!"
Shut the fuck up, kid, you're ugly

[Chorus: Nice Peter]
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, let me whip your kids
Please, I wanna whip your kids
Please, let me whip your kids
Please, I wanna whip your kids
[Bridge: Nice Peter]
Please, let me whip your children
Please, let me whip yo' kids
I can't stand kids misbehavin'
Runnin' around and disobeyin'
All they need is a kick in the pants
A punt in the butt, a lesson that'll finally shut 'em up
Please, let me whip your children
Please, let me whip yo' kids

[Chorus: Nice Peter]
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, may I whip your kids?
Please, let me whip your kids
Please, I wanna whip your kids
Please, let me whip your kids
Please, I wanna whip your kids

[Outro: Puff Puff Hambert]
Oh, come on people, it's a joke
We would never hit anyone's kid, come on!
I love kids!
Come here and give me a hug you little rugrats!
Hey, what the—what?