[Moyles]
I wanna be drunk when I wake up
I wanna be drunk by 7 o'clock
I wanna be smashed before the world wakes
Pouring vodka not milk on my Corn Flakes

[Both]
No coffee 'cause I would not be drunk at all
I wanna be drunk by This Morning
'cause a bit of booze makes it less boring
Schofield, windshield I'm not very sober
I think I'll struggle to get through this song

[Sheerhan]
'cause I need some booze every once in a while
Helps me get through Jeremy Kyle
All dramas through lie detection
Mum fucked a member of One Direction
Pass the lager, let's stop the thinking and
Carry on with a whole lot of drinking beer with pie, with pie

Maybe I'll stop drinking now
Stop my drinking now
Stop my drinking now
Or maybe just one more
[Moyles]
Walking into work, I am winning
I wish this room would stop its bloody spinning
Another meeting, they're all repeating and my attention is now depleting
I need to get to lunchtime so I can drink again
And maybe other people like me
You see the little stain below, it really is pee
Pants are damper, should be wearing Pampers
'cause I just think I wet myself

[Sheerhan]
'cause when it comes to the evening time
I spill words when I'm downing the red wine
I strike a cool pose, in Waitrose
Chucked out by a guard with a large nose
Try to hide it
Try to fight it
It's too late 'cause I think I shit myself, with pie, with pie

[Moyles]
Maybe I'll stop drinking now
Stop my drinking now
Stop my drinking now
Or maybe just one more

[Both]
All by myself
In a Mexican bar
All by myself
In casualty
All by myself
Outside of casualty
All by myself
[Moyles]
Just drunk again
Yes I'm drunk again
Completely drunk again
I think I need some sleep