[Intro]
Are you all settled in? Right, then we can begin. My name is...
Alfie!

[Verse 1]
Once there was a time
When my mind lay on higher things
And once there was a time
I could find pretty words to sing
But now, well now I find
It saves time to say what you mean
I know it seems so unrefined
But it's time to let off some steam

[Chorus]
Oh come on!
Everybody knows that "no" means "yes"
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie

[Verse 2]
Once there was a time
When a kind word could be enough
And once there was a time
I could blindfold myself with love
But not now—now I'm resigned
To the kind of life I had reserved
For other guys less smart than I
Oh you know: the kind who will always end up with the girls
[Chorus]
And besides
Everybody knows that "no" means "yes"
Just like glasses come free on the N.H.S
But the more I look through them the more I see
I'm becoming more like Alfie
Oh come on!

[Outro]
I'm becoming more like Alfie