Computer doesn't work for me
I had a Sinclair back in 1983
OL2QU, pre-warranty
And don't forget he's still up to it
That Steve Albini
He's in collusion with Virgin trains
Against me

I'm a fifty year old man
I'm a fifty year old man

But it won't get me

Go down Manchester town
Can't navigate it
The club scene, man
You can't compare with it
One third of securities count
I can't understand that
Again

You're not real boy
I say you're not real boy
You're a gym (teacher)
You're a Cancer and I expect
A little shit
I'm a fifty year old man
And I like it

I got a three foot rock hard on
But I'm too busy to use it

I'm a fifty year old man

I'm a fifty year old man
What you gonna do about it?

I go round a hotel
I see "Throw the towel on the floor"
On The Green Man
I throw it on the floor and
I piss in it

I'm a fifty year old man
And I like it

I'm trying to...

And don't forget
You try to destroy me
You're in collusion with the trains
Don't try and kid me
I'm a fifty year old man

Go down to the town
Can't navigate it
The club scene, man
You can't get in there

(Banjo interlude)

(Backing vocals repeat: 50 year old man)

I'm a fifty year old man
And I like it
I'm a fifty year old man
What're you gonna do about it?

And don't forget, you tried to destroy me
Steve Albini
You're in collusion with the trains
Don't try and kid me

I'm a fifty year old man
And I like it
I'm a fifty year old man
What're you gonna do about it?
I've got a three foot rock hard on
But I'm too busy to use it

I'm a fifty year old man
And I like it
I'm a fifty year old man
What're you gonna do about it?

Go down Manchester town
Can't navigate it
The club scene, man
You can't compare with it

I'm a fifty year old man
And I like it
I'm a fifty year old man
What're you gonna do about it?

And don't forget he's still up to it

(Interlude)

An inferior product mess
An inferior product man
Just over two thirds the price
I'm proud of it
I'm proud of it

I'm a type of guy who knows what is on CD
And then they lecture me on turning rubbish out
While shouting themselves out of existence

If they care so much, why don't they try eating
Some of those cardboard cut-outs themselves
And they stuff the complimentary catering down their neck
Do the fifth re-take of their attempt to be scruffy
On a train
And go back to counselling and communicating

I'm an inferior product man
I'm an inferior product mix
They call me "Bad Head"
Don't ever forget it
And here is the fade out
Fade out
Fade out